narrating my experience where I was offended in a painful situation and left in a dilemma on whether to forgive or not

narrating my experience where I was offended in a painful situation and left in a dilemma on whether to forgive or not

Introduction

The word forgiveness has been defined widely and from different perspectives depending on the applicability of a context. According to the psychologists, forgiveness referrers to the deliberate and conscious decision to take off feelings of resentments towards a party, which in this case is the offender, irrespective of whether they deserve to be forgiven. Researchers have maintained that forgiveness is squarely different from forgetting as it is with excusing or denying an offense. Similarly, several experts have affirmed that forgiving someone does not mean creating a room for reconciliation with an offender, nor does it separate them from legal accountability. Significantly, whether self or group, forgiveness brings about peace of mind and helps build back a relationship by admitting to letting go deeply held hard and negative feelings towards someone. This essay aims at narrating my experience where I was offended in a painful situation and left in a dilemma on whether to forgive or not and under what grounds.

It happened a few months ago when Wail, a family member and one of my closest friends, was invited to attend a birthday party in one of the restaurants in the city in the evening hours. Wail mobilized his loyal friends to participate in the birthday celebration for his friend. The attendees portrayed how much they loved the host as well as the Wails’ friends who had vowed to accompany him to the event. As it was expected, they even turned out to be a successful one. Notably, no one was terrible terms with their colleagues, and all could be seen was fun in the venue of the event. After the whole the performing all the essential activities as scheduled, Wail requested to take a group photo with all the other members to keep the day memorable. Additionally, this was a fantastic day for Wail because apart from being his friend’s birthday, it was the day he was going to get married. Notably, this marks the onset of the presence of forgiveness, as portrayed in the act, which follows after that.

Wail and his friends gathered inside the restaurant to pose for an inclusively highly needed photo to mark the event. Notably, little did they know that ganging up inside the hotel for selfies for such a quiet moment would disrupt the operations of the hotel. As the shots went by, the waitress was aggravated by the action of the whole group. She started to shout out and scare them away in unmannerly order, which caused the wrong picture to the rest of the customers seated in the hotel. She moved towards the person holding the camera, in this case, Wail, and started to chase him away. This behavior did not turn well for Wail and his friends bearing in mind that they had paid to host their event in that particular venue, and the deadline was way too far for them to leave the place. Significantly, Wail being a talkative young man, was in the first line to defend his innocent friends. The waitress, on the other hand, grew angrier and more decided to stab Wail on the chest while trying to calm him down.

Unfortunately, the stabbing is understood to have penetrated inside the heart, which left Wail in a devastating condition. That being not enough, the waitress proceeded to attack another Wail’s friend still on the chest, but this time not hard enough to penetrate internal body tissues. The restaurant management called for an ambulance, where the two were swiftly rushed to the nearby hospital to seek medical attention. Regrettably, Wail has pronounced dead on arrival, whereas the other victim was lucky to survive after three days of admission in the Intensive Care Unite (ICU). The rest of the congregation were requested to vacate the venue and ordered to present themselves in the court the following week to act as the first witnesses during the follow up of the case. The waitress was immediately handcuffed and pushed to the nearby police post. This scenario left everyone in a dilemma, not knowing what to do next.

Since then, my life has never been the same again. Being my very closest friend, Wail was so real to me and ready to help in times of need. Over the last few months, I have struggled to forget what happened, but it seems the anger is taking over me. Additionally, I have tried hard to forgive the waitress, but considering the weight of sadness she caused to me, it has been impossible to take it down to my heart and forgive her. Personally, taking time and flashing back on what happened causes a lot of pressure and trauma deep in my heart and brain. I hope that to stand a chance to forgive the waitress; I need more time to settle the pain and create a sense of acceptance of what went by hauling everything to normality. Since then, I have been able to approach several individuals for guidance on how to settle my mind. I have contacted the family members, friends, and peer counselors for a piece of advice and guidance, which would see my mind settled. Notably, all these steps I am trying to pursue are meant for healing myself and moving on to forgive the waitress unconditionally.

I think distancing myself from the killer is another step that would help in healing my feelings. By seeing him around then pops the picture of Wail, and considering how wonderful he was, it starts paining me more. Is there anyone on the other who deserves the right to take out the lives of others? It truly right that Wail did not deserve to die at this tragedy, and disrupting hotel operations by taking a mere self does not fully account for the cause of Wail’s death. I suppose that Wail’s girlfriend is experiencing twice the pain I am going through, bearing in mind that their dreams of being a lovely couple in the future were cut short by that painful and unthoughtful incidence. If justice were to be extended to everyone, I would say that the waitress deserved the same treatment of being stabbed to death so that he may fade from my face and the brain. When I see her, I see Wail in the struggle, and it pains a lot. However, being an active Christian, I would not wish death to anyone regardless of the offense they commit to me, my family, or my closest friends. All I need to do is take time and follow what my peer counselors advise me to get back to the usual health condition.

Significantly, I guess that the justice system has lagged in trying to ensure order and justice are extended to the family of Wail together with his close friends like me. They are allowing the waitress to wander around as if nothing happened, and it pains me. What are the purpose of courts and the whole justice system? As earlier stated, forgiveness does not grant any excuse for legal accountability. For forgiveness to be done, the justice system should also prove to the people that rules are governing the state and everyone deserves to exercise his rights as presented in the law of the land. The constitution is very clear on such details that the justice system is trying to ignore or, rather, taking a long time to implement. Importantly, the family of the offender should also portray an understanding of the idea and show their willingness and acceptance of the offense then follow the right channels to support the service of justice.

In the same context, I expected that the family of the offender be in the front line to apologize for what happened, but unlikely it seems all of them are very okay with what occurred. The first step in healing the pain caused to the family and friends of the victim is humbling themselves and respectfully approaching them for the forgiveness of whatever evil happened. Where the hell on earth has anyone forgive an offender who is not sorry for their actions? Naturally, it is hard to forgive someone who has no intention of showing concern and creating peace in the heart and the mind of the victim. Since the whole process of ensuring justice is stagnant and seems unmoved on the side of the offender, I promise to do as much as I can, as long as it lies on the moral and legal grounds to make sure that justice is served to Wail. However, this statement does not conflict my intention to take the matter to the ground and forgive anyone concerned in the death of my friend, Wail. It does not matter how long it may take to reach the destination, but I am very optimistic that peace and harmony shall be attained by the concerned parties again.

When I remember vividly, the waitress who took off the life of Wail is in his early twenties; the same age Wail would be if he did not die. Again, the waitress has an essential future in his life and significant goals for the rest of his life. On the other hand, Wail is rotting down in the ground and unable to plan for his future. The journey to building on his reputation ended up the moment he passed on. These statements are not meant to create any discomfort but rather provide substantial grounds upon which the offender, together with her family, should observe to view the sense of extending an apology to the victim. I can say that fulfilling such conditions will place everyone’s heart and mind on the safe and peaceful grounds to condemn the action and consider the need forgiveness even though those are not the requirements for fulfillment to be forgiven.

Another issue that makes it hard for me to forgive the waitress is the nature of the Canadian justice system, which does not believe in the penalty of death yet not ready to take the case and serve justice to everyone. I think in the informal common saying, which states that if anyone is not prepared to accept his wrongdoing and take the legal accountability of his action, then he or she deserves to undergo the same feeling like the victim. However, being regulated by moral and ethical values, the revenge thing becomes irrelevant.

Conclusion

This scenario has taught me a lot about forgiveness and the considerations for lifetime forgiveness. The act of accepting the evil wrongdoing and taking down to the knees to apologetically take the legal accountability of the act committed grants the victim the first ground for considering the need for forgiveness. It does not matter the extent of the wrongdoing, but that feeling to humbling oneself and stepping in every process to ensure justice is served to the victim means a lot as far as forgiveness is concerned. It might be hard to live with or meet someone who took off the life of one of your friends and still cope with them but with humbleness and later on forgiveness may help in taking it all to normal. Man is to mistake, and no one is perfect. Some of the acts are committed out of one’s conscience, but there is always room to change, and this room is created by the mutual agreement between the victim of the offense and the offender. We need to understand ourselves and forgive each other to achieve a world of peaceful co-existence.