How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims

How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims

1. Summary

Julie Lythcott, in her book “How to Raise an Adult” believes that parents hurt the children when the parents act on the trust that their child will be unsuccessful unless they micromanage each of their lives aspect and promote maintenance of good grades. She argues that good parenting is through a parenting approach that develops unconditional love, chores, as well as individualism as essential to the development of a child.

1. Sources of information

The author uses information from different sources where at first, she uses anecdotal evidence. Such means that she gets some of her data from stories told by people, which many times keep on changing and may be untrustworthy. She also uses the Harvard Medical School to back her views.

III. Connections

Parents with a close association with their children indicate the attachment theory, just as Julie Lythcott notes that children with healthier associations with their parents have high attainments in their lives. Child guidance concept is another theory connected to the standpoints of the author, where she sees directing a child as important there is a need for some limitation. Parents need to offer their children emotional as well as social support to ensure that the children do not undergo depression. Social learning theory entails people adopting particular comportments because they see others behaving so.

Such is another theory that has a connection to Lythcott-Haims works because she emphasizes that children do chores by seeing what their parents do and encourage the parents to continue doing so.

IV.Critique

The strength she uses in her work is employing the anecdotal evidence, which is a persuasive style to the audience. One of the weaknesses of the book is that she uses anecdotal evidence. Such is bound to change any time. It hence indicates unreliability and may not reflect the population. Tiger parenting leads to academic pressure, which is high and leads to poor parenting.

1. A) Summary

The book is about raising successful adults in the future. Julie- Lythcott-Haims encourages the audience to rear their children without overdoing things. She wants them to act only as instructors in their children’s lives and not pamper them with everything. Children need to have space sometimes to decide on their own. Some parents do not give the little ones an opportunity to realize their mistakes and mend them on their own. Others want to accompany the children to school trips to watch over their behavior, which is an overprotection indication. Parents go to an extend of doing the assignments for their children as others pay high amount to tutors for extra coaching even when the children are no longer interested(Lythcott-Haims, 2015). After children’s graduation, parents want to continue pestering their children. Such indicates how parents are overdoing issues in their children’s lives and not letting them decide on their own what they can do. Through that, Lythcott-Haims implies that parents enclose their children in a cocoon where they cannot dream on their own what they want their life to be. According to the author, overparenting causes psychological harm to the child. In most cases, children are left with no time to play.

1. B) Sources of information

The author gets her information from different sources. At first, she uses anecdotal evidence, although, in most cases, it is full of bias (Lythcott-Haims, 2015). Such is not a credible source, and therefore as an author, she ought not to use it as it may portray her standpoints and not scientific ones. The reliability of such evidence decreases because it includes her views and what she believes. The second source she uses is the Harvard Medical School together with its Harvard Grant Study, which are credible sources in supporting the notions that chores, encourages success. The article is not based on her opinion, but what other scholars have scientifically proven.

1. C) Connections

The author portrays child guidance theory in her work where she wants parents only take the role of directing the children but spoon-feeding them (Topping & Wolfendale, 2017). She talks of parents letting their children decide on what they want in their lives and then the parents supporting them. Tiger parenting is unethical, and therefore parents must not pressure their children in doing what they have no interest in. Self-discoveries play a significant role in the lives of the children.

Social learning theory allows people to observe the acts of others and to copy them (Hussong et al., 2019). Lythcott –Haims wants her audience to understand that pressuring children is wrong and instead allows them to copy from them. She tries to tell parents that they should do what they want their children to do, and then they will copy from them. Although it is essential to give children chores, it is unnecessary to bombard them with work.

Through attachment theory, parents understand what is best for their children (Fonagy, 2018). They provide the necessary support to their young ones and direct them towards the right path. Children with a good association with their parents disclose what they want in their lives to their parents, who, in return, assist them in crossing to the next level. For adolescents, they will have openness and will approach their parents in case there is getting pressure from their peers. Adolescents usually struggle in overcoming challenges in their changing developmental stages. There is a lot of confusion, generally, as they discover changes in their bodies. Parents now chip in to direct them. The adolescents begin realizing that they are growing to be responsible citizens, and they begin to do chores like washing their clothes. They sometimes cook in preparing themselves in the next level of being their own on campus.

1. D) Critique

“How to Raise an Adult” by Julie Lythcott-Haims is an excellent book that is recommendable to parents. Any parent needs to read it and understand the necessity of letting children make self-discoveries. Many times in the contemporary world, we see parents wanting their children to enroll in particular courses, contrary to what the child wants. After taking the first course, the child ends up joining, what they feel is in their interest. Such is because of too much pressure from parents. In other cases, parents overdo things raising children who cannot wash their clothes because of overprovision. Parents should sometimes scold the children to take home chores to build responsible persons.

Ideas about adolescent development

The book is correct in the adolescent’s life, and parents sometimes need to give their children personal space. Adolescents need directing and guidance but pressuring. There is a lot of pressure from their peers, and it is necessary to look at them through advice.

Specific things you liked or did not like

I liked the idea that they need not adopt the tiger parenting approach but allow self-discoveries in their children. Everyone has their interests, and children have the right to explore their wills. I did not like the idea that parents pressure their children because it may lead to mental torture to the child. It is good to explain to the child why you need them to adopt a particular path.

Strengths and weaknesses

The author is persuasive to her audience using anecdotal evidence, as she wants them to understand that there is a reality. She captures the attention and wants them to read more about raising successful children. Although she persuades her audience through the anecdotal evidence, it is incredible and may make her work considered unimaginable.

 

 

 

 

 

References

Fonagy, P. (2018). Attachment theory and psychoanalysis. Routledge.

Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Rothenberg, W. A., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., & Mokrova, I. (2019). Raising grateful children one day at a time. Applied Developmental Science, 23(4), 371-384.

Lythcott-Haims, J. (2015). How to raise an adult: Break free of the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success. Henry Holt and Company. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/books/review/how-to-raise-an-adult-by-julie-lythcott-haims.html

Topping, K., & Wolfendale, S. (2017). Parental involvement in children’s reading. Routledge