Wedding – an opportunity to know yourself

Wedding – an opportunity to know yourself

Many people think and say that planning a wedding grants you a chance to know your friends, enemies, family, and colleagues – but that’s not the case; it’s an opportunity to decipher yourself. The question is – why would you purport to understand others when you haven’t understood yourself? No one – from literate to illiterate, young to old – can claim an explicit understanding of self. That’s why all of us wrestle with unbecoming traits. And this struggle will continue till Jesus returns.

You have probably heard an anecdote of an atheist who invoked God to remind him of the title of a book he had written, denying the existence of God. , it’s like asking God to help you deny His existence. Your friends, enemies, and family help you plan your wedding – it’s thus wrong to bedevil or abet any party just because of a mere wedding that nobody knows whether you would sustain.

Wedding expectations

It’s good to plan your wedding as if you had no family, friends, and enemies – but is it possible? NO, and that’s where we go wrong. We plan our wedding with particular people in our minds. We expect specific support from particular friends, and if they don’t meet the set standard – a standard that they know not – they get yanked from being friends to being enemies. And that’s the story with the betrothed. Why can’t you plan your wedding without expectations?

The issue of soliciting funds to hold weddings should be banned altogether. May the bridges I burn light the way. I say so because soliciting funds has two goals; to mutilate your old friends and to create new enemies. Some people believe that when they support you, then you ought to support them, all factors held constant. It’s futile to treat gifts and your contributions to your friends’ functions as an investment. If you need to invest, go to the banks; if not, that was charity work. Your effort went to the dogs.

WhatsApp groups

It starts with a simple WhatsApp group where presumably, all friends are added. Surprisingly, some ‘friends’ are added to the said group without consultation. A few weeks later, some ‘friends’ leave the group either due to mechanical problems or for obvious reasons. After a month or two, the betrothed duo has a clean sheet of friends and enemies – And frequently, the list is kept safe to punish and reward. The punishment is always harder than the reward. Human beings are weak, and they always build castles on the flipside –they never forget indifference but will easily forget compassion. That’s the case with the betrothed duo.

Enemies

There is always a good reason – that the betrothed duo will never understand – why some people fail to support you. The reasons may range from callousness to deficiency of resources. Surprisingly, when these reasons are put forth, the duo would never comprehend. There are only two categories of people who are difficult to advise; a teen that has discovered sweet waters with pink cakes and twosome who intends to get married – which means the latter is a metamorphosed former. A ghost that has refused to leave.

Why would you label ‘friends’ enemies because they never supported you at the time of need? Before you declare yourself a judge, pause enough to think of how it might feel being on the other side of the scalpel. Because tomorrow you will be on the receiving end. Keep your ‘friend’; tomorrow might be a good day for both of you.

Family

This is another area I need to tread carefully. Family members can be flap doodlers sometimes. The mood is always unruffled when the duo attends family introductions. And the know-it-all aunt has to learn a new game of taming her tongue. However, before the end of the exercise, she has to puff out about her age, size, and any other observation she made. You know that member of the family who can bisect whichever line to come up with angles that he/she deems necessary. But at this time, you can’t contradict him/her because you need his/her support. Methinks this is the time to strikes because otherwise, their support will never come. They say, don’t strike a flea on a tiger’s head. You are, therefore, forced to wait for your death.

Some of the fabrications and hatred that will haunt you for long will come from him/her. However, there is that member of the family who can’t hide his/her excitement that you have finally made your choice. His/her support is guaranteed. He/she is just there for you. After a few months, you are yoked together with your partner by an eloquent priest who keeps praising you for keeping the faith. Having been confirmed husband and wife, you feel the burden off. Needlessly there is this one ghost that seizes and casts the newlyweds down, throwing them into convulsions and before they realize it plants the seed of hatred in their hearts. This is the tale of disappointments from so and so.

The issue of soliciting funds to funds wedding doesn’t auger well with the betrothed and those invited to help. It’s a strenuous exercise whose scars are permanent. And methinks it should be banned completely. To avoid this monster, select a day with your fiancé to go to the AG’s office, get united, and go home. Or else pick your parents and proceed to your priest, get united and go home. What’s the sense of making a wedding public and keeping marriage a secret? It doesn’t add up for me. Let’s reform this institution to leave it safe for our kids.