Unconscious Communication Of The Self

Unconscious Communication Of The Self

Communication is part of living, and interaction with others would be impossible without communication. The non-verbal bit of communication is strongest and speaks a mountain compared to the words one speaks. Ritually or unconsciously, we present different fronts when communicating with different persons or groups as a way of fitting in or creating a favorable environment for communication to thrive. Many are situations where interactions with certain groups or individuals have not gone well due to the misinterpreted fronts that individuals have displayed. For instance, having a jolly and extremely cheerful front where a somber front is needed.  The front one presents during different interactions are great determinants of the relationships that one will establish during those interactions. I am an African female, average height and weight, and have natural long dark hair. Originally I am from West Africa.

At work, I share a cube with quite a chatty and friendly Indian girl. One day she came to work all excited and invited me to a cultural festival that they were having in their neighborhood later that evening. I could not say no to her, so I agreed that we would live together after work to attend the festival. We left work, and since my home was quite a distance from her neighborhood, we decide that I should not go home to freshen up; otherwise I will miss out on the festival though I was feeling extremely tired. We went to her place, and she changed into a beautiful Indian sari and put on so much jewelry from head to toe and told me this is the traditional Indian look for a woman. On the other hand, I had nothing to change into and went to the party in my work attire, which gave a professional look. I was wearing a pair of navy blue trouser suit, and my hair was neatly combed and tied with a bun at the top of my head. I had no jewelry on except for my golden-strapped watch.

We got to the party, and it was colorful. The neighborhood was a multicultural one, and one could notice the different types of cultures that were present from the various attires worn, and the different display stands in the room. I did look lost in my trouser suit. This fact made me quite uncomfortable and tense. Normally I am a confident person, but the fact that I did not seem to fit in and was ill-prepared for the party made me feel timid.

My friend excused herself and went to talk to the organizer. I looked around before finally settling for the furthest table in the room and took a sit there. My sitting posture was really bad as I was slouching. The slouching gave off the feeling that I was bored, and my mind was somewhere else. Naturally, when I am nervous, I tend to look for object adapters that I have on, and this time I was fidgeting with the straps to my watch. Though the body language that others around me picked up from me was not intended, I seemed bored and disinterested with what was going on.

Due to fatigue, I kept yawning.  My yawning displayed an extremely bored person. Guests were streaming in, and once in a while, someone would pass by and say hi. I could only manage to give a faint and low reply to their greetings and would continue playing with my watchstraps. My tone at this point was not encouraging anyone that wanted to start a conversation with me. My smile was not as bright as it usually is. The faint smile, low tone, and body gesture were not warm enough to encourage anyone to sit and have a chat with me as most people that said hi would turn and continue minding their business.

My friend took a while talking to the organizer and was quite surprised to find me seated alone, looking extremely bored. She pulled me out of my seat and started introducing me to other guests.  I had my arms crossed as we moved around the room and would only stretch out my hand for a handshake and continue crossing my arms. This was not a good gesture at all as appeared defensive and not ready to interact with anyone. I tried to look lively, but my body was not playing along, and once in a while, a yawn would escape.

The reason behind the invite was that my friend wanted to introduce me to a Togolese family. She thought that this introduction would lead to a great friendship and was overly excited about it. When we were introduced, the Togolese were very happy and smiled and even hugged me as though we knew each other from Africa. I could only manage a smile and did not chip in on the conversations. I gave one-word answers to the questions they asked. This showed disinterest, and soon the happy smiling faces displayed confusion and distrust.

A woman in the group tried to lighten the mood and even went ahead to make a joke about my attire and said that it seems that I am from the office culture. That was funny, but I could only smile as I felt exhausted. My friend noticed that something was off as this front was unlike me and asked if I was okay. After that introduction, I told my friend that I wanted to leave. She was sad but agreed and called me a taxi.

When we met the next day, my friend was not as chatty as she usually is with me. When I tried to bring up the party, she was reluctant to respond, and I apologized for being a party pooper and explained the reason behind my front. I was lucky enough that she understood me and even apologized for dragging me to party before prior notice.

In this front, though I was excited about the party, I was not well prepared for it and was tired from the day’s work. Most of the people at the party did not bother chatting me up as I appeared uninterested with the party and what was going on. This was because of my body posture, my sitting position, fidgeting with my watch and yawning and did not bother to interact with anyone. Had I chosen to walk around the room, I would have kept busy by looking at the different displays that had been set up. Moving around would also allow me to interact and learn from the cultural people that were present. I ended up losing out on a friendship that would have been a lifetime one just because the front I displayed was not warm and welcoming enough to any stranger.

Avoiding to cross my arms as I talked to other people would not ward off anyone. The faint reply I gave to the enthusiastic greetings made other guests think that I did not want to interact with them. A cultural festival required me to go dressed in cultural attire, but my entire look was that of a professional and not of one going to a cultural festival. Being aware of this fact made my confidence drop as I felt out of place. The low tone I was using made me seem bored and of low confidence though I was only tired. The Togo family must have thought of me as a snob as I did not sound excited to meet them, as they were excited to meet me. One even tried to lighten things up by making a joke about my outfit.

Given another chance I would have completely changed the front I had at this party; probably it would have been a success for me. The front I presented at this party was a total failure. Many interpreted that I was bored and would rather be somewhere else while the reality was that I was tired and felt ill-prepared for the party, which still is no excuse for the front I displayed.

The second front I displayed was at a church retreat. On this church retreat, I had to train the younger teens for a fun weekend at a nearby retreat center. I enjoy the outdoors, and I was super excited about the entire retreat. Being an outdoor retreat, I choose to wear cargo shorts, a t-shirt, and a pair of sports shoes. I choose to wear my natural Afro hair free, and it looked like a massive afro-wig. I felt that I was dressed for the occasion, and this boosted my confidence, as I knew that I would be able to do anything that was expected of me. From the moment we got to the church, I was confident and cheerful. I was smiling, and this made it easier for young teens to approach me.

At the church, I was moving around the compound, interacting with the youth in the small groups they had formed as they waited for the bus to arrive. This allowed me to engage more with them and create rapport with them that later proved to be useful during the retreat. Before leaving for the retreat and during the retreat, the young teens felt comfortable approaching me with questions and concerns as I exhibited a friendly and easy to approach front to them.

Part of my responsibilities during the retreat was to teach the youth on basic life skills and baking lessons as well as come up with different interactive games. The lessons had to be interactive too. As a teacher, I had to come to give a subtle front that was approachable as well as serious. Since I had prepared for the lessons and knew what I had to teach, I was loud enough for all to hear me and used hand gestures as well as practical examples to teach the group. Being confident in what I was teaching helped me get the attention of the youth. I made sure that I maintained eye contact with the students at random intervals, and when a single student asked a question, I would keep eye contact and nod my head to assure them that I was listening.

During my lectures sessions, I would take pauses after making and explaining the key points of the lesson. The pauses allowed me time to look through the class to see if any student looked confused. After a pause, I would ask if there were questions and pause a while before proceeding to the next point. I avoided pacing around too much as this would cause a distraction for the students and moved a little, and only when I felt it necessary. My first time teaching Sunday school, I paced a lot; I taught the class as I was nervous. A child in the class raised their hand, and when I responded they asked if I needed to use the bathroom, I asked why as she said I was moving around a lot just like she does when she needs to use the bathroom. This was embarrassing but at the same time, a lesson learned.

During the outdoor activities and interactions. I tried my level best to maintain an appropriate social distance impersonal between the students and myself.  I tried not to get too close and make someone feel uncomfortable or keep too much distance to make one feel avoided. During the baking classes, we divided the teens into groups of five, and I took time to walk around the groups for a more one on one interaction and demonstration. Here maintaining the appropriate distance came in handy.

I enjoy sports activities and can be a superb cheer for my team. During the sporting activities, I could be heard at the top of my voice cheering on my team. I would be shouting and sometimes singing to motivate my team. Sometimes I guess I would overdo it and would find other teams staring at me, but I would laugh it off then continue cheering my team on. This was fun, and I noticed that anytime we had to pick teams, many teens wanted to be on my team. The jolly mood and loudness did work perfectly well in this setting.

Throughout the retreat, I ensured that I maintained an open posture and avoided slouching at any given time, even when I felt really tired. A slouching posture would show that I was not interested in the activity taking place. Once bitten twice shy as I had learned from my cultural festival experience, slouching when I sat at the same time crossing my arms made everyone think that I did not want to be at the party. I was aware of my posture and made sure it was good and gave off a positive vibe to all that saw me.

Throughout the retreat, the front that I had was positive as my interaction and communication with all those present was positive. I was able to be present a positive front because I was prepared for the whole interaction and knew what was expected of me. This preparation allowed me to be confident. I knew I had to interact with young teens who can be difficult to interact with at times; thus, I displayed a friendly and warming attitude that made them feel comfortable approaching me. In some instances, I had to behave like they would, for instance during the sporting activities I would get loud and jumpy like one of them and thus felt that they could relate with me at any given time. This front was ritually acquired, as I knew that the retreat had to be successful and how I communicated and presented myself to the young teens depended greatly on it.

The different fronts one displays can either be unconscious or some times ritual. The fronts allow us to interact with different persons and groups in the most appropriate way possible. Most of these fronts are picked up to make interaction easy and successful. How one presents a particular front is entirely dependent on their opinion of the person or group. A wrong choice of the front can be detrimental as this would damage or create a wrong first impression. For instance, the front I displayed at the cultural festival was wrong, as the impression I made on those that I interacted with was not a positive one. This front almost made me lose a friend. An appropriate front works best as it gives positive and successful interactions, as was my case with the teen retreat group.

All in all, the non-verbal fronts or communications played a major role in these interactions; one’s comfort in an environment matters a lot as these cannot be underplayed and speak louder than the words we speak. At the cultural festival, my words alone would have made one agree that I was enjoying the party, but my non-verbal communication said the opposite. My body posture and gestures displayed an uneasy person. At the retreat, I was comfortable and well prepared; thus, I was at ease, and the interactions were a success.