A Better Self

A Better Self

 It had been a fantastic night. The whole family poured praise on me for the success of my new business, “Matilda’s Pudding,” encouraging me that it was a guaranteed success. My mother, wiping tears of happiness using a silk tablecloth, took my hands, and said, “I am extremely proud of you, sweetheart. You are going places.” I could not help but cry and laugh at the same time. My uncles and siblings also spoke encouragingly, and it was not until 11:00 p.m. that we called it a night. Alone in my room, I lay on my bed, looking up at my ceiling, and could not help feeling proud of myself. I had not always been this positive and goal-oriented. Frankly, I owed my turning point to an unfortunate incident that changed me for the better.

June 15^th, 2018, is unforgettable for me. I received a call from a man called Joe. Panic-stricken, he told me that the phone owner had been involved in an accident, and he was taking her to a hospital. I immediately knew that Nancy was in trouble. On the way there, all I could think of was whether she had been injured, if she had lost blood, and how it happened. Although I was driving at 120 km/h, fast enough to get a speeding ticket, I felt that the car was going at a snail’s pace. My heart was pounding, and I nervously mumbled prayers for her. So far was the hospital, I thought, that it felt like a journey to Pluto.

When I got to the hospital, I begged to see Nancy. She had minor injuries, although her forehead was wrapped in a white bandage. She also had a drip attached to her right hand. Nancy’s tiny head also sunk in the fluffy white pillow. Her skin was pale but had red patches. Her lips were cracked and very dry. When she eventually woke up, she seemed shaken and confused. She also complained of a mild headache and felt very sleepy. She gestured to me to hand her a glass of water beside her bed.

When she was able to talk, I asked her what happened.  Nancy responded that she did not know how she ended up in the hospital or how the accident occurred. Then she explained that she was attending her boyfriend’s party and it got wild. She took drugs, alcohol, and got into a brawl with another girl, whom she suspected was flirting with her man. She recalled getting in a car and leaving. The story was concluded by a myriad of apologies and promises to be a better person. Nancy soon fell asleep.

Watching Nancy’s body filled me with a sad realization; she was a toxic friend. There she lay, stiff as a corpse, and very pale. Her body, thin from malnutrition, disappeared in the hospital sheets. It was almost as if she were a mummy. This was not the first time I had been called to rescue Nancy. However, I decided that it would be my last. For Nancy, I had done a lot of things. Like that night when I sneaked out of my house to go pick her up from a party. And another day when I lied to my mother so that I would take her to her lover because she had threatened to commit suicide. I also gave up a lot of my time to hear her cry because the ‘world was unfair to her’ and that she should just die. I had had enough.

The doctor gave me a full diagnosis. There were high levels of cocaine, LSD, and alcohol in Nancy’s blood. She was also worried because Nancy was malnourished and had neglected herself. I had contacted her mother, who had arrived. The mother looked as concerned as me. The doctor warned that if she continued with this habit, her health would deteriorate. I stayed for a while but left before Nancy woke up.

When I got home, I deeply reflected on the kind of friends I had. Nancy, in particular, was draining me. It dawned on me that I sacrificed myself to make her happy. I had put my personal growth and dreams to help others attain theirs. Nancy took advantage of my kindness and presence. My other girls, Emelda and Sasha, also had their problems and relied on me for help all the time. What about me? I asked myself. When will I do what I also want? Would I always be at the beck and call of my reckless friends? These questions also made me reflect on my personality. I was too available as a friend. My selflessness was costing me my individuality and my time. My mother was also concerned that I had bad friends, and I realized that she was right.

On that day, I decided to change. To keep away from Nancy. If she wanted help, let her get a professional. It was hard admitting these truths, and I even cried until my eyes were sore. I needed a new life. Although painful, for, indeed, I was heartbroken and had lost my appetite, I had to leave Nancy, Emelda, and Sasha. My mother was also concerned for me, and I told her my decision. She was very proud of me and always trusted that I would do the right thing.

When I started my new life, I focused on positivity and self-love. My family said that they had never seen me happier. I was radiant. My sister said I was glowing. It felt good. I felt confident. I felt powerful; I did what made me happy. I even made new friends, my two classmates at the University. My friends believe that I am the most amazing soul they have ever encountered. Even though we were not friends anymore, I always prayed for Nancy to change. I heard that she was planning to go to rehab. All the best to her.

Indeed, my life was good. My journey to self-actualization was crowned with the opening of my business. With the support of my family and sweet friends, success is inevitable. I firmly believe that it is okay to love yourself. To not feel guilty for leaving toxic friends behind, however much you loved them. Above all, life is precious and should be spent doing the right things with the right people.