Most of us learn responses to conflict from observing others, especially members of our families of origin. Reflect on your family and the ways of responding to conflict used by your parents and siblings. Describe those patterns. To what extent do your habitual ways of dealing with conflict reflect patterns you observed while growing up?
Families have different ways of solving issues. Some are passive, while others are active in conflict resolutions. My family generally consisted of overt conflicts while growing up. My parents would solve their conflicts in open through verbal exchange, facial, and body language that showed their disapproval with each other’s ideas. The overt behavior was also used in disciplining my siblings and I whenever we did something wrong. My two elder siblings would also verbally confront each other whenever the disagreed. On rare occasions, they would fight, and my parents would intervene by punishing both of them. Being punished further would be a lose-lose situation for both of them because the winner and the loser of the fight would still bear the punishment, which in most cases, was severe. Most often, my parents would make us express our differences, hurt, and anger by talking to each other. After the talks, they would force us to apologize to each other and make peace. These were win-win scenarios because we would express our anger until we calmed down; in some way, we satisfied our ego and need to hurt the other party by telling them how annoying they were. In addition, we would make peace and continue loving each other like ideal siblings; hence, a win-win.
Consequently, I have adopted the overt behaviors when dealing with conflicts. I actively engage those who annoy me. I express my anger verbally and through facial and body language. Through my childhood, I believe that I should let people know that I am displeased when they annoy and either annoy them in return or punish them to avoid a repeat of the same. I do not condone lose-win situations in conflicts unless I am the winner.