Writing is my den

Writing is my den

After a long tiring day in the jungle, full of failures and deceptions, the lion goes back every night on his last legs to his shelter seeking mental comfort and inner grace. For me, writing is my den. And it is the only thing that makes me feel the power of a lion. It is heaven without limits or borders, where you can travel to any place without worrying about packing your suitcases or applying for a visa.

In my childhood, I used to be a shy person. Once I start to communicate with people, my face turns red, I feel the heat in my ears, and my mind loses the ability to arrange words. After class discussions and a short conversation with a waiter in a restaurant, I always feel a massive lump of disappointment in my throat. And the only reason for this disappointment is that I know that I can still dominate in a conversation and that I have enough arguments to prove my point of view, but I never find the force to get the words out of my head in a correct sequence. This feeling of clumsiness created the habit of opening the Notes App in my phone and writing down all that I should have said during the conversations I have just missed. This habit helped me a lot, especially in building excellent critical thinking skills and discovering a lot of new things about myself, such as my values and beliefs.

Writing is the liberty of the imprisoned, the passion of the lover, and the light of the blind. It makes you see what you can’t see, feel what you want to explore and experience the adventures that you have always been dreaming. For me, one of the most significant powers of writing is how it gives you the ability to play any role in any situation you like. I adore writing stories where I play the part of the hero, and then imagine how I saved a whole country from strangers or aliens. These kinds of writings make me more confident about myself and give me a heavy feeling of satisfaction and happiness. When I was seven years old, my biggest dream was to visit France and particularly Disney Land. But my father wasn’t able to make my dream come true because his boss did not approve of his vacation request. I was upset for more than three days until my elementary school teacher proposed to me to imagine myself in Paris and write about my experience there. I don’t remember what I wrote exactly. Still, the only thing that I could recall is the extreme happiness and satisfaction that I felt once describing a detailed, perfect journey that I did not even experience. Since that time, I was confident that writing is my remedy and my only escape.

No one can deny that writing will never make you feel lonely like most people do. Personally, when my life becomes darker, I find the bright light in the book. I moved to the United States nine months ago. I used to be very attached to my parents and my girlfriend in my home country before traveling. Once in New York, I broke up with my girlfriend, and my roommate stole all my money and threw me out of the house.  I was not able to always call my parents because of the time difference (there is a 6-hours difference in time between Tunisia and the United States). I felt so lonely and depressed. And one day, while I was scrolling on my mobile phone, I saw an article saying that depression could be treated by writing journals. In the beginning, I found it silly, and I did not believe it. But later, I decided to give it a shot. I ordered a journal on Amazon, and I decided to write anything that gets in my mind every night before going to sleep. I was obliged to write in the first days. But after a week or two, I felt that something is missing every night that I don’t pick my journal out from under my bed and start writing. I used to write about my day, my feelings, New York, and every time I write about my depression, I feel like vast negativity left my soul, and all the bad energy moved from my body to a piece of paper.  “…I realized that this was potent medicine for me, too, helping my emotions to stabilize and my thoughts to clear. As my confidence grew, I became certain that I’d keep writing in this personal way. The writing was as healing to me as all my medical treatments—this did matter. Writing helped bring me back. Writing saved my life,” Schaefer writes in Writing Through the Darkness. Writing these thoughts down helped me discover myself and particularly in knowing my emotional situation.  In other words, when I read what I wrote down, I always realize how silly my problems are, and I feel that I know the correct path which will lead me to my inner peace and success. After practicing this habit for more than one month, I realized how sensitive I am, and I worked on my weak points after discovering the correct way I should cure myself.

Being logical and coming with compelling arguments and deep thoughts require a lot of experience and particularly a long time of thinking. That’s why, when I feel the need to think about something that always triggers me, I always opt to write my thoughts down. It is like a recall to my brain. I believe that this is the most efficient way that allows me to express myself better and accurately communicate more sophisticated ideas. For example, I always watch videos about poor people and how children run from their homes because of wars or diseases. When I try to think about it, I can’t build a structure that allows me to explain the causes of these phenomena. But after arming myself with a pen and a piece of paper, my ideas and thoughts start to become more precise and more convincing. I enjoy writing about dystopia, the secret laws of nature, the system equation that cannot be solved, and religions. I remembered two weeks ago; I saw a picture of a ten years old girl who looks weak and tired sitting on a sidewalk crying. She has ballooned in her hand, and she was trying to sell them to other children her age. After contemplating the picture for more than five minutes, I felt speechless. I wanted to comment on it as usual, but words betrayed me. So, I started writing whatever thought that crosses my mind. I wrote about our world, where happiness is bought by some, from others who cannot afford it. And how we succumb to natural laws that should maintain balance but not fairness. I was also explaining why these laws are mistreating people but fair enough to prevent system collapse. And at the end of the paragraph, I was just wondering if the wounds of this dystopia would claim compensation and if fairness can ever go along with balance. For me, it was a great conversation that I had with myself. And I discovered my insecurities and my doubts.

Nowadays, remembering everything is getting harder and sometimes impossible because of the busy life. That’s why I always write down every thought, memory, and tasks. Writing helped me recover many memories and souvenirs. I used to write down what happened during my last date or what I cooked last week. I also write quick thoughts that trigger my mind when I am busy, such as business ideas, because  I know they would soon come to pass. This habit helped me transfer all that I have in my mind to a cloud, which is my paper. And sometimes, when I go back to my notes and read some souvenirs, I smile when I remember some friends or relatives that I missed, and that drives me to get in touch with them again.

No one should be a professional writer or a novelist to write. You can write in any language and format. You have to translate your feelings and thoughts into words and sentences. I remember my grandfather once told me that everyone should discover the path that leads him to happiness and grace, and I am sure that I found my own.

Works Cited

Schaefer, Elizabeth Maynard. Writing through the Darkness. Celestial Arts, 2008.