A Loss that Changed My life

A Loss that Changed My life

There is a famous maxim that states, “only the wearer of the shoe knows where it pinches.” This is a statement that I came to learn through experience and has stuck with me ever since. Growing up, I grew fond of my grandfather, Youssef. I immensely cherished his company because he was always full of brilliance and inspiration. Typically, this could be an old age character, but he was incredible. Physically, he was an adorable man with a bright shade of brown eyes complemented with white hair and beards. You could easily mistake him for a Santa, especially when he was in a red outfit. As for his age, no one could bet; he did not look his age. Despite being in his sixties, he always looked younger than most men of his age. He was an all-rounded person that you could easily engage with and learn from abundantly. We both loved football, and we would take time to watch, and in the process, he would never fall short of words of encouragement. In short, my grandfather was a pleasant character that you would always want to have in your life.

In comparison, I am tall and bear the brown eyes just like his. Although, I am darker in complexion and my hair is equally dark. Even so, these contrasts were not as important to me as the impact he was having in my life. Sincerely, I had never thought of anything bad happening to my family, including death. Bad or awful for me was a vocabulary that existed on TV, newspapers, and movies. Never for once did I expect someone in my family, including grandfather, to be a victim of anything bad. I came to learn that I was oblivious of devastating pain although it would eventually come to shape my life in the future. It is unfortunate how things change suddenly with a blink of an eye. This was seven years ago when my grandfather battled for his life in the hospital bed but failed to make it. It was a tragedy, a drastic gap that I

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lived with ever since. I experienced loss and it was truly devastating. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my friend and grandfather was no more; that the only thing that held my hands at that moment were the lessons I learned. Nevertheless, it was quite different how active and quick I used to be in past funerals, comforting mourners, but this one seemed to be different. How could my loss be different? At this point, only one statement answered my doubts; it’s only the wearer of the shoe that knows where it hurts.

When my grandfather passed away, I watched him take his last breath while on the hospital bed. Tears ran down my cheek, and I could not control myself. I called to signal everybody in my family that grandfather had taken his last breath. I was torn apart, and at that moment, I felt like my life had lost purpose and meaning. I did not know how I would live my life without his input. He had always been my support, where I would lean on when things seemed to be falling apart. It was incredible how I managed to review everything I had ever done in my life in hours. His voice could not escape my mind even for a minute, and his words of encouragement were all appearing in my mind. I had always wanted to make him proud, and I wanted him to be with me and to see me fulfill some of my biggest dreams, like graduating from college. I could not help but imagine how the day would have been; me walking across the stage while he sat calmly in the audience, proudly watching. I am certainly sure it would have been the most ecstatic feeling of his life.

Unfortunately, one cannot go and change their past, but they can start with their present and change their future. It took me time to finally learn this and eventually decide to live for my grandfather and give him a legacy that he would be proud of. I learned that I had spent a better

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part of my childhood life, planning out my life with him in it. But now, life had presented me with a challenge in which he was out of the picture. It was a tough beginning for me but I realized there were many lessons I had learned, and this would come in handy in ensuring I succeeded in every possible way. It’s a process, and it’s a journey that I am willing to pursue. I have decided to be a better version of myself. I believe my grandfather will be proud of me, and to this day, still watching over me. He was so inspirational and loving, and in the same way, I will hopefully be able to inspire and pass on what I have learned through my grandfather, on to my grandchildren.