Aspects of Interpersonal Communication in the Film “The Break-up”

Aspects of Interpersonal Communication in the Film “The Break-up”

Communication is central to the existence and survival of human beings, mainly in their relationships. It involves the act of creating and sharing thoughts, opinions, and feelings amid people as they try to reach a common ground. Essentially knowing how to communicate to a specific audience is significant in helping to sharpen critical thinking skills and reading the verbal and nonverbal cues. Lack of communication in a relationship that goes on for a while will most probably result in huge confrontations. In many human relationships, conflict is inevitable. Nonetheless, the conflict itself is not the problem; how the issue is handled may either bring people together or separate them further. A strong interpersonal communication existing between individuals may lead to friendship, love, and marriage. The success of such a relationship depends on passion, intimacy, and commitment, which may rely on effective communication. The Breakup movie shows a breakdown of communication is the cause of failed relationships. Though Brook and Greg love each other, their ego and need to outdo each other cost them their relationship. Their couple relationship could have been salvaged if they had realized effective commination was missing in their relationship. This portrays how good communication is crucial in maintaining a happy and successful relationship. The movie The Break- Up illustrates that poor and ineffective communication led to the disintegration of the relationship between Brook and Greg. Poor communication skills, disagreements, and misunderstanding is the main source of conflict and their fall out.

The film The Breakup manages to show how the absence of effective communication kills relationships. It follows the life of a Brook, a manager in an art gallery, and her boyfriend Gary, who owns a bus tour business. The two meet in a baseball game and eventually start a relationship. A simple argument over household responsibilities shakes up their longtime relationship as it resurrects frustration in the couple. Brook feels unappreciated and neglected and decides to break up with Gary to force him to change. However, he misunderstands her intentions and acts opposite of what she expects. Though broken up neither is willing to give up the condo they bought together, and they seek to create a hostile environment to the roommate until the weaker person admits defeat. This leads to a series of conflicts in a journey filled with jealousy, revenge, and games, which further deteriorate their relationship. Eventually, Brook comes to realize she was not fighting for the house as much as she was fighting to save their relationships. She accepts she cannot change Gary and admits defeat over which trigger Gary to eventually realize his mistake. Nevertheless, reconciliation does not work as they had inflicted each other to much pain and frustration.

From the start of the relationship, Brook needed to affirm herself and establish her position by creating relationship rules to guide the interaction.  According to Wood (2014), relationship rules are “unspoken understandings between partners” (200). It can be achieved when both parties have to be willing to tone down and be accommodative. In the film, the characters lack the means to accomplish this. Gary demonstrates the need to be in control, which counteracts Brook, who feels it is suffocating her. This is demonstrated in the opening line when he offers to buy her hotdog though they never know each other. He forces her to say yes until Brook agrees. He brings the same attitude in their relationship. From when they met, Brook never complained about what bothered her, and Gary assumed everything was fine. Her failure to establish this misled Greg, which eventually led to the confrontation. This shows that the mind-reading concept can be destructive in relationships. Both of them should have asked each other questions and correct what they deemed to be unacceptable to them early on in the relationship.

In an interpersonal relationship, effective communication is what plays a significant part in achieving common ground and creation of understanding. Wood (2014) states that effective communication is when “Couples… learn how to discuss their thoughts and feelings, adapt to each other, and manage conflict constructively” (6). The relationship between Brook and Gary lacks this as demonstrated when a confrontation arises as Gary fails to respond to Brooks as she complains about lemons. He practices selective listening as he brings three lemons instead of twelve, which she had specified. In this scene, the two of them do not interpret well their nonverbal communication. While Brook is complaining about Greg’s mistakes, Gary is not concentrating as he is busy watching sports on television. A person’s body language is key to demonstrate a person’s level of indulgence in a conversation (Benjamin 2016).  The fact that she is bothered by his lack of attention is written on her face, but Greg fails to notice because he is not attentive. His lack of concentration show he is trying to avoiding speaking about the subject, thus not being mindful of her feelings. Burgoon et al., (2000) define mindfulness as “active and fluid information processing, sensitivity to context and multiple perspectives, and ability to draw novel distinctions” (106). His answering mechanism suggests he is not interested in the issues, and focusing on television was a way for him to manage the dialect tension. This scene shows a relationship that is deteriorating as a result of ineffective communication. The way the two characters behave with each other in their relationship indicates that the relationship is falling apart.

Having effective communication in interpersonal relationships is about listening, and listening involves hearing and acting. This is a technique that requires a person to pay much attention to what is being said and offer appropriate feedback response. Wilkins et al. (2015) define active listening as “a multistep process that consists of asking appropriate questions, conveying understanding through the use of empathic comments” (435). From this basic definition listening skill, Gary fails in the scene where Brook is asking for his assistance in cleaning the dishes. He is demonstrating poor eye contact, and his body posture shows he is not physically and mentally attentive. His listening skilled buried into the game, and he does not make contact with her as he is busy playing a video game. His failure to participate in the conversation shows why they have poor communication. The key to a successful relationship is to participate in the discussion and attend to the conversation (Benjamin 2015). The communication on Gary’s side could improve if shifted from literal listening and participate more in relational speaking. Generally, relationship status can be improved when communication between parties is direct and open.

The film The Break-Up utilizes the concept of equity theory to show that a successful relationship is all about compromise. Wood (2014) writes that in equity theory, “people are happier and more satisfied with equitable relationships than with inequitable ones” (213). It is against focusing on cost and rewards as it helps both parties to feel satisfies they have reached a balance. Brook criticizes Gary for not his lack of commitment in the relationship and for not investing time in their relationship. She feels like she is the one who is making an effort and is more accommodating as she works yet still manage to make their house a home. Brook is contradicting the equity theory as she believes she has invested more than him when it comes to her contribution to housekeeping and his contribution to the relationship. It makes her angry, which hence deteriorating the relationship further. Wood writes, “when we think we are investing more than our partner is, we tend to be resentful and angry” (213). Feeling that one person is contributing more to the relationship results in more arguments as they may feel they are doing more than the other in relationship enhancement. Evidently, neither is willing to acknowledge their partner’s contribution creating more barriers in their relationship.

To avoid misunderstandings in a relationship couples have to create a communication climate where each party can feel comfortable. This is because it influences how people react with each other in their relationships. Wood (2014) defines a communication climate as “the emotional tone of a relationship between people [which] affects how people feel and interact with one another (133). A positive communication climate makes the party involve to feel valued. This can only be achieved if there is a positive communication message.  This is observed in the film when Brook complains to her sister on Gary’s irresponsibility and unwillingness to make efforts towards improving their relationships, particularly the living situation. She fails to realize and acknowledge that Gary had hard all through the day, and he needs time to rest for a while. In this case, her relationship with him results in a negative communication climate. Eventually, a dispute arises as neither is willing to support each other.  Jain (2018) writes, “Empathy is putting yourself in other’s shoes and understanding the situation the other person is in, even if you don’t agree” (211). This enables people to communicate more effectively. They fail to understand the other person’s perspective, and their lack of empathy results in more anger. An unsupportive communication climate destroys personal relationships as people would tend to hide their private feelings.

Having a successful relationship means people have to recognize one’s mistake and work towards building a more positive environment through self-disclosure. According to Wood (2014), “self-disclose [is] when we express private hopes and fears, intimate feelings, and personal experiences, perceptions, and goals. People have to speak up for others to know what the other party is feeling and correct each other. There has to be self-awareness and regulation of one’s actions to help solve relational conflicts.  Burgoon et al. (2000) argue that “interpreting others’ feedback accurately, maintaining a smooth-flowing conversation, attending to personal identity” (108) is the key to solving misunderstandings.  This is evidently missing in their relationship. Brook feels unappreciated in the relationship and decides to end it in order for him to realize his mistake. On the other end, Gary is frustrated by how he perceives her to be controlling and perfectionistic. He wishes her to give him space and more independence, specifically when he comes home from work. Without openness, they could not get what the misunderstanding was really about. Establishing self-awareness is important in addressing the relationship gap in interpersonal communication, thus help in building self-esteem, which is crucial in interpersonal communication.

Both Gary and Brook sort for social support as they knew their relationship was deteriorating, which proved to be damaging as the conversation results in inappropriate advice. Conflict ensued between them, and no party was willing to back down. Young et al. (2015) defines conflict as “an emotionally charged interpersonal interaction [that occur] when people believe their goals are blocked or impeded by their partner” (41).  It results when both parties aim to become the winner to massage their self-esteem and ego. The film shows on how the couple fails when it comes to the management of conflict. This is presented when Brook and Gary both of them being passive-aggressive ensue in games and tactics to outdo the other. Gary brings a pool table to the house as he knew it would irritate her. Brook, on the other end, decided to play loud music and throw him out of their shared bedroom. Instead of focusing on the real problem, the two indulge in the ugly side of their personal life. This results in a relationship deterioration, a stage where a relationship weakens, and the bond between the two parties downgrade as they tear each other apart. The two go back and forth, arguing and bringing up characteristics and actions that both of them were unsatisfied with each other. The argument is unfocused, which means there is no chance for it to resolve. When conflict ensures people may make judgmental statements to break the other party down as they try to defend their actions, which bring the conflict out of context.

Engaging in a dual perspective is the key to creating effective interpersonal communication. The movie shows perception influences how people communicate. It is effective for a couple to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Wood (2014) defines perception as “an active process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting people, objects, events, situations, and activities” (44). This is presented when Brook decides to break up with Gary to make him change. Gary misinterprets her action and makes the situation worse by asking her to move out of their apartment. They are arguing back and forth, and the initial objective to improve the relationship turns to a catastrophe as they are determined to be dominant and influence the outcome. Similarly, they fail to understand that the idea of selling the condo was their friend’s effort to mediate. He was signaling that it was time they fix their relationship, or it would disintegrate. Understanding this aspect is an effective means to solve conflicts by identifying mistakes earlier on. Voice response is more effective as each party can air their view, and consequently, everybody will feel valued.

In any romantic relationship aiming for commitment and compromise is the best way to resolve conflicts. Wood (2014) writes, “commitment is a decision to stay together despite trouble, disappointments, sporadic restlessness, and lulls in emotional depth” (199). This means a person has to invest themselves in the relationship fully without expectations. In the film, both Brook and Gary failed to achieve this. In their communication, each of them was unproductive, and by the time they realize what they were doing wrong, it was too late. Brook realizes to salvage their relationship; she has to be first to initiate commitment. Hoping to reconcile, she buys a concert ticket and invites Gary to watch with him. However, he overlooks her intentions and fails to attend. To Brook, this is the turning point as she realizes Gary will never change. She breaks down and expresses how she felt in the relationship. She now clearly express the blind area she saw in Gary. He was stubborn and was not committed because he had not fully opened his heart to her. Though Gary finally realizes his downside and decides to compromise and show her that he has changed, it was too late as she did not have anything more to offer. Brook and Gary fail to compromise on issues as each wants to establish their dominance. For a relationship to succeed, a creation of understanding that each person has contributed through thoughts or feelings on a certain issue and respecting their opinion is important (Jain 2018). Instead of fighting, they could bring out their issue and talk calmly and convey what could be really bothering them.

Developing effective communication means is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. The film the breakup is a classic example that demonstrates how failure in interpersonal communication results in deterioration of the relationship. Brook and Gary’s relationship was short-lived as it was built under misunderstanding and disagreement. Had Gary and Brook not been passive-aggressive and truly talked and listened to each other, they could have worked out through their issue and find a solution through compromise. The deep love they had towards each could not salvage their relationship as effective communication was the missing ingredient. Brook wanted Gary to assist her at home and appreciate the role she plays in the relationship. Gary wanted to be acknowledged for the hard work he does to maintain their life and have autonomy when he came from work.  Neither could verbally and non-verbally how they felt until it was too late. This present the notion that whichever issue presents itself in a relationship, a defensive and accommodative communication climate eventually result in disintegration of relationships. Thus it can be argued that interpersonal communication is effective as long as the person initiating and receiving are in agreement. Both parties need to be open and accept corrections.

References

Benjamin, D. R. (2016). Developing Effective Communication Skills – An Important Aspect for Engineers & Doctors. Language in India, 16(3), 194–201.

Bodie, G. D., Keaton, S. A., & Jones, S. M. (2018). Individual Listening Values Moderate the Impact of Verbal Person Centeredness on Helper Evaluations: A Test of the Dual-Process Theory of Supportive Message Outcomes. International Journal of Listening, 32(3), 127–139. https://doi-org.sbcc.idm.oclc.org/10.1080/10904018.2016.1194207

Burgoon, J. K., Berger, C. R., & Waldron, V. R. (2000). Mindfulness and Interpersonal Communication. Journal of Social Issues, 56(1), 105. https://doi-org.sbcc.idm.oclc.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00154

Jain, N. (2018). Inclusive Leadership and Effective Communication: An Unbreakable Bond. Language in India, 18(12), 207–215

Wilkins, K. G., Bernstein, B. L., & Bekki, J. M. (2015). Measuring Communication Skills: The STEM Interpersonal Communication Skills Assessment Battery. Journal of Engineering Education, 104(4), 433–453. https://doi-org.sbcc.idm.oclc.org/10.1002/jee.20100

Wood, J.T. (2014). Communication mosaics: an introduction to the field of communication.

Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.