Biblical Foundation of Conflict Management

Biblical Foundation of Conflict Management

Professor’s Notes:

Conflict. Most of us deal with conflict on a daily basis. Whether it’s navigating a tense situation with a child or spouse, dealing with a tough boss or colleague, or even managing our emotions after we’ve been cut off on a highway, all of us need strategies to deal with the dailyness of life. Porter (1996) has this to say about conflict: “When a person is faced with a situation that threatens their sense of self-worth or value, deep-set assumptions, values, and motivations are usually at the core of conflict and that is why it is important to look deeper underneath the appearance of conflict to see what’s really going on.” For this reason, I believe that perspective taking is so important when dealing with conflict. Many conflict situations can be alleviated, or at least toned down, if we step back and take perspective of the situation. In their book, Leadership Without Easy Answers, Heifitz and Linsky talk about the metaphor of the dance floor and the balcony. It is so important for leaders to take time to move away from the dance floor and step up to the balcony to gain perspective. This same approach can be helpful in managing conflict. See http://www.governing.com/columns/mgmt-insights/Getting-Off-the-Dance.html for more information on this concept. In keeping with this concept, I love Steven Covey’s principles in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. One of the principles is “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” It’s a principle I quote often to others and try to live by in my own life. PS: I’ve uploaded a perspective taking document called 3S Perspective Taking if you want to try a few exercises.

For the next week, I want us to consider what it means to have a Biblical perspective of conflict. As such, I’ve chosen Ken Sande’s book entitled Resolving Everyday Conflict. Some of you may be familiar with his other book entitled The Peacemaker. I’ve chosen this book because it captures Sande’s best thinking around his 4G model of handling conflict from a Biblical perspective. It’s a short and rich read and I wanted to have us start out this course by using a Biblical lens to frame the learning that follows. The assignment prompt for this section is below. Here is another perspective on the topic: http://matthiasmedia.com/briefing/2010/11/the-hope-of-biblical-peacemaking-as-a-response-to-the-challenge-of-conflict/

It’s important that you understand your own tendencies of handing conflict. Before reading the book, please take the Thomas Kilman Conflict Inventory uploaded in Moodle so you begin to have an idea about your own conflict style and preferences. For those of you who have taken the StrengthsFinder instrument, think about your own strengths and how the shadow side of your strengths come in to play in conflict. Oftentimes, the shadow side of our strengths can be at the root of conflict. Something to think about!

A WORD ABOUT THE FORUMS IN THIS COURSE: Being an independent online learner can be a lonely experience at times. In this course we will engage in 2 Forums which are meant to give you an opportunity to share your best thinking and interact with your classmates and professor about your learning. In order to receive full points for the Forums, you must post your own thoughtful response to the Forum prompts and thoughtfully respond to at least three of your classmates. I use the Forums to both gauge your critical thinking and analysis of your original post AND observe how you critically and thoughtfully respond to your classmates’ posts. At times you may see me jump into a thread of conversation if I feel I have something more to contribute, but mostly I will be standing on the balcony as a silent observer to see how the conversations on the dance floor play out. Know that I am reading every post alongside with you even if you don’t see me jump in! Also, please note that the Forums are time-bound with no exceptions.

As we begin our learning about conflict management, I want us to reflect on one of my favorite prayers by St. Francis of Assisi. It’s a great prayer to post on your wall as we strive to be instruments of God’s peace.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen