Coaching Through Challenging Transitions

Coaching Through Challenging Transitions

Introduction

Transitions in life come in many ways; they can be negative or positive. Also, transitions can take place without any prior warning and may cause a big stir in a person’s life. Examples of life transitions that happen unexpectedly include sickness, death, divorce, job loss, or accidents.  Each of these examples comes with negative experiences for the individual. However, some transitions lead to positive experiences; they include childbirth, getting married, getting a new job, or moving to a new city or country.

Moreover, life transitions, whether positive or negative, can be quite challenging and may leave a person with feelings, sadness, anger, happiness, anxiety, fear, shock, or withdrawal. This is because they involve massive changes in one’s life, which they are never entirely prepared to handle. However, such feelings are normal due to the uncertainty that surrounds these transitions. In most cases, people require professional help to enable them to heal and manage the change smoothly, which is where a life coach comes in (Richard, 2020).

The role of a life coach is to guide people who are going through such transitions and are unstable and confused about what to do. They, therefore, come in to help the individuals to set better goals, create some balance in their lives, create a sense of renewal, achieve personal growth, and, at the same time, modify their behavior where necessary.  Coaches help people going through life transitions to let go off the past, achieve their goals, and take full control of their future by taking the necessary actions. As a result, life coaches play significant roles in the lives of people going through transitions (Transition Coach, 2020). This paper will, therefore, take a keen look at two critical life transitions i.e., divorce and death, and try to understand what approaches a life coach can take to help in such changes as well as the significance of these approaches, to our personal lives.

Divorce

Divorces bring out significant life changes and more so can involve a lengthy and tiring process, which may result in feelings of anger, confusion, hurt, grief, disappointment, and loss. Also, divorces bring about many stressing issues such as issues of finances, living situations, child custody, which is also associated with a lot of pain and ill feelings. As a result, divorce affects not only the spouses but the family as a whole. A life coach, therefore, comes in to provide counseling to the family and to create an avenue where they can share their feelings and find solutions on how to navigate this transition (Richard, 2020).

Coaching Approaches

In divorce life transition, coaching is fundamental as it enables both spouses to navigate the process smoothly. It allows them to go through the emotional journey and to handle better the stress that comes with it.  Most divorce cases involve children who get torn apart by the separation of their parents. Coaches, therefore, come in handy to facilitate a smooth transition for the kids by helping them to understand what is going on and teaching them how to handle it. Coaching is, therefore, a process that provides solutions to clients who have been previously involved in a spouse relationship to enhance a better life for them after the divorce. Divorce coaching is most cases are usually brief since they are limited to just a few sessions. Also, it is systematic and solution-oriented, where the coach treats the spouse as one member of an interconnected family. Divorce coaching may include a spouse alone or a spouse with kids (Transition Coach, 2020). To facilitate the process of coaching, coaches make use of the following techniques.

Goal-oriented Coaching

This technique is used in many scenarios, and it aims to help the individual to regulate their personal and interpersonal life to achieve one or two set goals. It enables clients to prioritize their concerns with their needs and goals. The coach helps the individual identify the issue at hand and what goals they want to achieve. They then create and put in place an effective action plan. In divorce coaching, the coach helps the spouse to identify solutions to the problems brought about by divorce. Such issues can include co-parenting, living away from the spouse, emotional stress, and pain that come with this transition (Richard, 2020).

Perspective Coaching

Divorces leave spouses feeling disoriented and may end up developing low self-esteem and lack confidence. Life coaches, therefore, make use of this technique to help clients take a different look at things, to generate fresh perspectives on things, and to create solutions. This technique also enables them to use better solves the issues that arise by approaching them from a different perspective. It allows clients to think clearly amidst an array of emotions. This technique also allows the coach to provide the client with feedback, thus boosting their growth (Susan Gamache, 2020).

Mediation and Conflict Resolution Skills

Divorces involve a lot of conflict and disagreements between the spouses. The coach, therefore, comes in to act as a mediator between the spouses and to help in conflict resolution. This can involve assisting them in agreeing on issues such as living arrangements, property division, and child custody. By acting as a bridge between the spouses, the coach creates a conducive environment for the spouses to work out their issue, which ensures a smooth flow of events.

Clinical Therapy

In some extreme cases, coaches make use of clinical techniques to help their clients. Such circumstances might include situations where the spouse is undergoing severe stress and demonstrating feelings of grief due to the divorce. The coach, therefore, makes use of techniques such as relaxation techniques. This is designed to help the spouse relax and let go of the stress and the pain they are going through (Susan Gamache, 2020).

Family Therapy

This form of coaching involves both the spouse and the kids as it is aimed at helping the children and the family as a whole to better handle the situation at hand. The coach explains to the kids what is going on and helps them to relieve any stress.

Recommendations

Communication Therapy

Divorces bring with them a lot of conflict and ill feelings between the spouses. It is, therefore, crucial for the coach to train the individual on how to better communicate with their spouse to facilitate a smooth transition. Communication skills are most vital in divorce cases where children are involved, thus making it essential for the spouses to effectively communicate with another on family matters (Transition Coach, 2020).

Parenting Skills

Where a divorce case involves children, the coach needs to advise and educate the spouses on how the divorce directly affects their children’s’ development, what measures they can take to help minimize the impact, and what they can do to support the kids during the transition period. Also, the coach provides the spouse with parenting skills and advises them on how to handle specific issues, concerning the kids, once they occur. Moreover, he helps the spouses to understand the needs of their children better and, at the same time, create a co-parenting plan that is suitable for both parents (Richard, 2020).

Death

The loss of a loved one, whether sudden or expected, leaves one feeling emotional, overwhelmed, and in pain. People react differently to death, where some may be completely overwhelmed, emotional, unable to make any decisions or go on with life. On the other hand, some people may seem unaffected and continue with their lives like nothing happened (Grodzki & Allen, 2005). In some cases, people going through grief lose their faith in God, become angry with him to the extent that they stop attending church. However, despite one’s reaction, they must process grief before it weighs them down.

Coaching Approaches

During the period of grief, a coach comes in to provide much needed emotional support. The role of a life coach is to help the affected people to transition through this tough period by helping them to adjust and plan their lives for the better. Coaching provides them with someone to talk to, which prevents them from feeling alone. Grief coaching, therefore, recognizes a person’s need to grief and helps them to overcome it to live their best life (Grodzki & Allen, 2005). This type of coaching enables clients to lean on Christian principles that, by faith, they are healed. By making the necessary changes, clients base their healing on the word of God that tells us that they shall be made whole and that God will enable them to live a full, abundant and joyful life.

Writing letters to the deceased
In this technique, the coach encourages the client to write a letter to the dead, telling them anything they want, like he was still alive. The client is further encouraged to express their feelings through words. This letter serves as a goodbye to the deceased and is mostly used in cases where the bereaved did not get a chance to say goodbye in person.
Journals
This is whereby the life coach encourages the bereaved to keep a journal about their loved one. It can be in the form of plain words or poems that are in remembrance of the deceased. This helps the client to remember the dead in their own private and unique way (Techniques Used to Assist the Bereaved, 2020).
Use of symbols
In this technique, the coach encourages the client to keep symbols and objects that were special to the deceased. Such purposes can include clothing, jewelry, photos, and videotapes. Such objects are used to help the bereaved to transition through grief by providing them with a reminder of their loved one (Richard, 2020).
Role-Playing
Role-playing is a common technique used in grief coaching as it enables the client to better adjust to the new environment without their loved one. Through coaching, the client obtains skills and abilities that will allow them to cope, adapt to the new life and therefore move on with their life. In this technique, clients are asked to play out certain situations that they feel uneasy about as if their loved one was still there. Also, for people who had unfinished business with the deceased, the coach encourages them to play the scenarios in their heads, try to figure out the problem, and how it would have been resolved if the deceased was still around. This technique, therefore, allows the bereaved to cope better on their own and to adjust to their new life (Techniques Used to Assist the Bereaved, 2020).
Bibliotherapy
This refers to the use of books/reading to find comfort during the loss of a loved one. Life coaches, therefore, encourage their clients to immerse themselves in exciting books, whether fiction, inspirational, or even the bible. Reading books brings out nostalgic feelings of joy and happiness, thus providing much needed emotional support and stress relief during that difficult time. Reading also gives the client a sense of inner peace and relaxation that is rare when one is grieving (Richard, 2020).
Gestalt Empty Chair Technique

This technique involves the use of an empty chair, which symbolizes the deceased. The bereaved are therefore asked to talk to the person as if they were sitting on the chair by sharing their feelings with them, working out any pending and unresolved issues, or even just to say goodbye (Techniques Used to Assist the Bereaved, 2020). This technique allows the client to work through any internal problems and to see things from a different perspective, thus allowing them to move on with their lives.

Dealing with Trauma
In some cases, the bereaved may be experiencing trauma from their loss, which is evident where they struggle with recurring flashbacks or mental images that consist of the moment they received the bad news. Such behavior constitutes trauma. The coach, therefore, identifies such behavior as trauma, which is different from grief. Such injury thus inhibits the client’s recovery, and the coach is required to find ways to treat it, whether clinical measures or otherwise.
Recommendations

Encouraging the client to talk about the deceased

In most cases, people who are bereaved feel strange and awkward talking about the person who died. However, to heal, life coaches encourage them to talk more about their lost loved ones and the past times that they shared.  Also, the coach helps them to share stories about the deceased by describing them, their hobbies, likes, and dislikes (Richard, 2020). The client is required to also think about what the dead would have wanted them to do in the situation and what advice they would have given them. Such narration helps the bereaved to pay tribute to their loved ones through the use of words. This enables them to embrace and accept their loss.

Dealing with the guilt

Most bereaved people experience a lot of guilt where they feel bad for moving on with their lives, grieving less or not thinking about the deceased as much as they should. A life coach, therefore, comes in to encourage the client that it is ok not to think about the person sometimes, and instead of harboring feelings of guilt about it, they should instead focus their energy on living a life that honors their deceased (Richard, 2020).
References

Divorce Coaching in Separation and Divorce – Susan Gamache. (2020). Retrieved 9 February 2020, from https://susangamache.com/divorce-coaching-in-separation-and-divorce/

Grodzki, L. & Allen, W. (2005). The business and practice of coaching: Finding your niche, making money, and attracting ideal clients. New York: W.W. Norton and Company. ISBN: 9780393704624

Richard B. Joelson, D. (2020). Managing Difficult Life Transitions – Richard B. Joelson, DSW. Retrieved 9 February 2020, from https://richardbjoelsondsw.com/articles/managing-d

Techniques Used to Assist the Bereaved. (2020). Retrieved 10 February 2020, from https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/grief-support/techniques-used-to-assist-the-bereaved/

Transition Coach. (2020). Retrieved 9 February 2020, from https://allisontask.com/life-coach/transition-coach/