Critical Analysis of Why New Borns Cause Acrimony And Alimony

Critical Analysis of Why New Borns Cause Acrimony And Alimony

The article by Dolores Puterbaugh, “Why newborns cause acrimony and alimony,” describes the challenges that come in marriage when children are born in the family. It is true divorce rate is high for new couples. However, acrimony and alimony in marriages occur as a result of abrupt changes in expectations for income, duties and the structure of the family. Acrimony refers to feelings of bitterness or resentment towards someone, while alimony is a person’s legal obligation to support their spouse financially after a marital divorce. To understand why newborns cause alimony, Dolores Puterbaugh discusses the differences in parenting expectations. The differences in expectations of handling money, decisions, power, children and duties are the likely cause for acrimony and alimony between married couples.

The role of both parents raising a child is important because the interest of the child comes first. However, for marriages where the man is the sole financial provider for the family, the loss of job puts a lot of strain in the marriage (Puterbaugh, 2005). Married couples need to understand the delicate balance of caring for their child and meeting financial obligations for the family. If both parents cannot work, then one parent should provide fulltime care for their child. Both parents can work when their children are grown and attending school.

In marriages involving one parent providing full-time care to their child, the loss of income for one spouse can result in emotional stress for both parents (Puterbaugh, 2005). Also, the primary income earner of the household acquires more power in the financial decision-making process than the other spouse. As a result of couples maintaining separate finances, the other couple may feel marginalized in making a decision. If couples budget their expenses with that of the family, they will reduce financial strain caused by loss of income. Also, couples should discuss finances together, considering each other’s opinions to minimize feelings of dependency for the other non-working partner.

The question of who has power over the other is common in marriages. In marriage, the role of men is to provide for the family, and his primary concern is job security and benefits. For women, their satisfaction comes from interacting with children and successful parenting. Perceptions of power may arise between couples when one partner believes the other’s contribution is unsatisfactory (Puterbaugh, 2005). Couples should settle their differences by encouraging positive interactions and being emotionally available for each other to avoid pressure resulting from power perception. Also, couples should create leisure time to ease the burden in marriage.

The differences in roles for men and women in marriage may put pressure on both partners. While society expects children to come first in marriage, men feel pressured to provide for them to handle their children. Contrary to society’s expectation, men focus more on providing than parenting (Scott et al., 2013). As a result of cultural expectation, women consistently interact with their children throughout, but men rarely interact with children until they have reached a certain age. If a couple fails to balance family time with that of their relationship, tension may build-up, leading to separation or divorce. Couples should remain committed to each other during parenting to avoid differences in their relationship.

The level of involvement for working parents is another cause of differences in marriages. The working mother spends more time with their children than fathers. Regardless of whether both parents work, mothers are burdened with parenting activities while fathers choose when to engage with their children (Scott et al., 2013). As a result of disparity in the level of involvement for both parents, mothers resent fathers for assuming financial power at the expense of the family. If couples recognize their positions in marriage is for the greater good for the family, they will maintain harmonious relationship regardless of whether one parent or both are working.

Newborns indeed cause alimony and acrimony. Parenthood demands a delicate balance between family and relationships. Stay- at-home mothers should provide fulltime care for their infants until maturity while fathers should provide financially. Couples should create time for each other despite the challenges of parenthood because it helps relieve pressure and settle differences that occur in marriage. New couples should also discuss financial matters together while regarding each other’s opinions to avoid feelings of dependence and powerlessness in the decision-making process. Couples should prepare the family budget together to prevent disputes on personal and family finances. Finally, parents should strive to equally get involved in engaging with their children as they grow to avoid feelings of irrelevance in parenting roles.

References

Puterbaugh, D. (2005). Why newborns cause acrimony and alimony. USA Today Magazine, 133, 26-29.

Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2(2), 131.