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Walking

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“Whitney, I don’t love you, all I ever wanted from you was…”. “Stop it, Paul.” I shrugged. I still find it so hard to believe that he meant these words. Joe is my ex-boyfriend whom we dated for close to two years. It was 2018, and I was walking down a row of shops tired in Beverly Hills after a long hockey tournament weekend. Someone tapped my shoulder, which felt like gravity, and by looking at my left shoulder, I saw a tall bearded man. He had a large scarf and had a water bottle, which made me think he waas one of those lonely poets. (Yeah poets love scarfs, weird hats, and water bottles). “Hello, I am Joe, and I have been following you, mind if we take a walk?”. Of course, I needed company, and so I said yes. Who would resist walking with a good looking man who has a nice cologne?

After walking for a few minutes, I got a call from a roommate saying she wasn’t feeling, and I should help her get to the hospital. Our conversation was cut short, but we exchanged telephone numbers and parted ways. I got to the hostel and helped my roommate get to the hospital, after which she got medication. I wouldn’t stop thinking about this mysterious bearded guy I met. How would someone look that good? Does he even pay taxes? Is he amongst God’s favorites? Honestly, I was attracted to this guy. The following morning, I was out watering my favorite plant TAI when my phone rang. I love plants more than coffee, and I love plants more than pets. It was Paul asking if we can meet over coffee. I hesitated before saying yes because I didn’t want to be those girls who say yes to everything they are asked. I was in love, so I said yes.

We met later as planned in a restaurant. He came dressed in a grey sweater, black shorts, and the SCARF looking all good like he was headed to Beyoncé’s concert. Paul asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. It was the most beautiful experience in life, just like how someone feels when they have new clothes on, a new car or a new phone. Splendid! Paul and I had so much chemistry and compatibility, which made me feel like I was dating my other-self. This guy was a go. We had excellent times, especially when he was on leave. I loved spending days in his place when he didn’t have shifts to attend. “the first time I saw you, I wouldn’t guess that you are a doctor. If someone had asked me what you do, I would have pulled a musician”. He laughed and explained why he loved a low key and unpredictable life.

Paul and I had a beautiful love story until this day, where he received a call from his workplace that there was an emergency. He rushed, and I was left all alone in the house. I went on watching American got Talent my favorite show before I heard a phone vibrate from the wardrobe. It wasn’t my phone and Paul had left with this phone so whose phone was it. I dashed to pick it up, and the incoming call had been saved “Baby mama.” “Hello, who is this,” I answered, “I am Vicky, his baby mama, give Paul the phone.” The phrase “I wish the world swallow me” didn’t make sense until this day.  I was a standstill, holding the phone. It all sounded like a dream and left me dumb. I didn’t know what to say or do. My body was sweating, and I couldn’t imagine Paul would do this. I dropped the phone, called the taxi driver, and left in the middle of the night with my pajamas on the crying ocean. I didn’t want to believe that this was true. I cursed myself for loving again, and I vowed not to.

I got to my room, and luckily my roommate wasn’t around. I wanted to sleep and wake up from the dream I had gotten myself into. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop crying. I tried to call Paul and wished he’d say it wasn’t right. I’ve never wanted to be wrong so bad. He finally picked my call at 5 am not guilty or even apologetic.” I didn’t want you to find it this way, but the fact is I love Vicky, she is my daughter’s mother, she is my world”. These two words shattered my world from colored to gray. I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere. Paul’s sentiments were more profound than a knife. Love hurts. It was the hardest pill to swallow, but the truth is love doesn’t give us the happy ending we want in the end

 

 

 

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