Effects of Listening in Communication

1.     Introduction

Hearing (a physical ability) differs from listening (a skill). Listening is the act of letting what is being said resonates with you. Many people can hear things being said but fail to listen to the actual message being conveyed. A person is termed a poor listener (inactive listener) if they have a lot of distractions in them. Distractions include bad thoughts in their minds and prejudices effects, among others. Lack of concentration on what is being said (being ‘all ears’) as well as diverts attention in oneself, making them poor listeners. An active listener gets the actual meaning and understands the message the speaker is conveying, and this helps reduce information asymmetries. Active listening translates to new experiences, less defensive behavior, and a more democratic attitude, which brings changes to people’s bad characters. Listening has a lot of effects on interpersonal relationships with our colleagues, bosses, subordinates, etc. How we listen to them (colleagues, bosses, subordinates, etc.) determines how we relate to them. This paper explains, from personal experience, the effects of both good listening and poor listening in interpersonal relationships. Lastly, it explains the efforts that can be put in place to improve listening skills.

2.     Listening and Interpersonal Relations

2.1  Good listening

Good listening is essential for communications as it helps in negotiation, managing, consulting, mentoring, coaching, etc. all of which requires interactions of more than one person. Good listening helps in facilitating two-way communication that improves interpersonal relationships as follows. Firstly, good listening helps one come to a sense of what the speaker is relaying, and the message can bring them together. People relate well with those whose values are a clear reflection of theirs. When the speaker speaks what we agree on or at least what we understand, our interpersonal relationship with them improves, and this helps us appreciate our similarities and differences. Secondly, good listening is a form of respect. When we listen to a person, even when we don’t agree with their message, it shows respect, and this improves our interpersonal relationships. Lastly, good listening skills involve asking for clarification when the message is unclear. This helps reduce the chances of taking the wrong duties and responsibilities or taking the wrong assignments. When we follow the right instructions, from our bosses and colleagues, interpersonal relationships improve.

2.2  Non-Listening

People meet and interact every day. Communications aid interactions. Communications is, however, done by one person at a time while the other one listens. Poor listening will lead to misunderstanding and affects interpersonal relationships as follows. Firstly, non-listening leads to wrong interpretation of the message. A non-listener will hear the words being said but cannot understand them due to a lack of concentration. Lack of concentration will leads to poor translation of the message relayed as they try to fit it to the already existing notions in their lives. Thus, the non-listener would feel that the speaker is attacking them while the speaker gets deprived of confidence. Secondly, non-listening is associated with interruptions during communications. An interrupted speaker feels less valued, which makes them relay the wrong message in an attempt to recapture the audience’s attention. The speaker values their message very much, and when they feel the listener despises it, then their relationship becomes broken. Lastly, non-listening leads to conflicts. With wrong interpretations by the non-listener, (s)he draws hasty conclusions that the speaker did not mean. During the resolution of the already created conflict, an agreement cannot be reached because the non-listener will force the speaker to accepts what they did not mean.

3.     How to improve listening Skills

The non-listener can improve their listening skills as follows. Firstly, they should mimic the speaker in terms of what they feel (emotions). When the speaker is relaying a sad message, the listener should show sadness in facial expressions and should be joyful when the speaker conveys a joyful message. This should apply to the rest of the emotions from the speaker, such as fear, terror, anxiety, and so on. Mimicry will ensure active listening, and the speaker gets assured of empathy. Empathy, which puts the speaker and the listener in the same state, increases concentration and equal reasoning. The second technique to improve listening skills is to picture the theme of the message the speaker is relaying. The listener should create a virtual model (in their minds) on what the speaker is talking about. This helps them understand and determine whether they can agree to it. The message relayed by the speaker should not be directly absorbed in our minds, but we should determine the extent of its influence in our lives. Poor listening asks the person to absorbed everything being relayed while good listening requires us to filter what is healthy for our lives (especially mental health). The mental model created in our minds should not, however, divide our minds and or distract us. If the message is very long, the mental picture should comprise of key phrases and keywords only so that we stay focused and fully alert. The third technique is to face the speaker as well as maintaining eye contact with them. This is the most basic technique or ingredient to effective communications according to western culture. A poor listener will gaze out of the window, study the physical objects (e.g., computer screen, the speaker’s clothes, or their phones), or scan the room while listening. Facing the speaker as well as maintaining eye contact with them will reduce the chances of gazing out of the window and scanning the room, among others. Lastly, if one is open minded on what is said, then he or she will be able to improve his or her listening skills. It would be best if you listened without judging. The listener should observe what their thoughts are on the subject matter and avoid mentally criticizing them. The listener should allow the speaker to explain their claims rather than jumping to hasty conclusions.

4.     Conclusion

Hearing (a physical ability) differs from listening (a skill). Listening is the act of letting what is being said resonates with you. Many people can hear things being said but fail to listen to the actual message being conveyed. This paper explained what listening is and how it affects interpersonal relationships with our colleagues and bosses. The document also emphasizes the importance of active listening in improving relationships and how distorted listening (non-listening) affects our relationships negatively. Lastly, the article discusses the techniques that a non-listener can employ to improve their listening skills. In my opinion, therefore, everyone should apply the discussed techniques in their listening so that they can enjoy the benefits of good listening discussed.

References

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Ferrari-Bridgers, F., Vogel, R., & Lynch, B. (2017). Fostering and assessing critical listening skills in the speech course. International Journal of Listening, 31(1), 19-32.