improving the productivity and effectiveness of interaction
In the view of improving the productivity and effectiveness of interaction, listening skill as one of the parts of communication plays a significant role and thus must gain a huge priority by an individual. Any useful and beneficial phrase in communication must be interpreted properly, and any reaction upon it accordingly is an art that is required to learn appropriately. My recent engagement in various conversations with my friends and one of my college mate, over the past six weeks in which I have been in quarantine following the COVID-19 outbreak, was a period when I realized how poor listening skills I have as compared to how I thought. Most importantly, I realized that I did more of hearing than listening. My experience confirmed Stephen Covey’s argument that most people listen with the intention of replying rather than the intent of understanding. While I regarded myself as a good listener, after careful consideration of the engagements I had, I realized that I disregarded most of the others’ opinions and never gave enough time for elaboration, especially during varying opinions. According to class discussions and notes from R. Bolton’s People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts, a good listener is the one that engages in various verbal and non-verbal skills of attentiveness, understanding, and reflection. In connection, I will analyze and critique my listening skills in some of the conversations I had during the quarantine period.
As the COVID-19 hit the headlines before becoming widespread to force everyone to stay at home, I engaged with my college mate Camila about her opinion concerning the severe impacts of the disease on our holiday tour as friends and regular interactions since we came from distant places. Being a topic of interest that I much wanted to engage myself and provide most of the opinions, I think I never had good physical attention as she spoke and was not a good listener. However, I tried to open up to her opinions and was much willing to accept and analyze any view that she presented. Camila excitingly told me that she was pretty certain the pandemic would not much affect the trip and was very prepared to visit, meet various people from the culture and engage in most of the activities, including sky diving. Don't use plagiarised sources.Get your custom essay just from $11/page
The conversation was taking place during the lunch hour when we met to set the tour dates and create a comprehensive budget at one of Boston’s hotels. As much as I tried to give Camila all the attention, I was also on my phone checking the COVID-19 statistics and probably dividing the attention, resulting in my responses turning down her excitement. I failed to show that what she was sharing with me was important and seemed determined to air out every negative impact that I thought the disease would have to the tour in general and the places we would visit. By the time we were closing school, I thought of travel restrictions being given, which would be a major barrier to our plans. Although it turned out that my anticipations were right, the arguments we had with Camila proved that I poorly listened to her opinions and more so failed to provide full attention due to distraction from using my phone as we conversed.
In the second instance, I engaged with my classmates concerning the best cars globally. Due to my high interest in cars, I seemed to be very attentive to what Silvana had to say about sports cars and more so the Bugatti Veyron. I smiled, nodded, and commented, “I wish to own one someday,” when he discussed the interior, speed, comfortability, and other specifications as he encouraged me to do personal research. Paying attention to his views was evident when I maintained eye contact and could smile and nod whenever I was in agreement. Out of coincidence, I also aired out his opinion concerning the Chevrolet and Ford as comfort types of vehicles in the market, which enabled me to be more attentive and show empathy to what he was saying. As the discussion went on for about three hours, I noticed nodding to be effective in demonstrating active listening and understanding while maintenance of eye contact was important in avoiding distractions from the surrounding. This proved true as the conversations went on.
While the discussions with my friends went on, I noticed that one of us, Clarissa, was all-time quiet and looked stressed. I, therefore, decided to question, “Are you really in this with us, your mind seems to be far away?” “Let’s talk about this later.” She responded. Being concerned, we excused ourselves out of the group for a minute talk, and what turned out was that Clarissa was stressed out of homesickness, being far from home, Israel. I decided to give her a careful ear as we walked around before standing at a distance but not going too far from the rest. Probably she would feel ease and comfortable to think, feel, and express as I gave her an attentive silence (Bolton, 1986.p47). I maintained eye contact and expressively turned concerned, directing full attention to her to prove my psychological and physical presence (Bolton, 1986. p36). I opened the conversation in a way that got her to the rhythm of the conversation and invited her to begin expressing her feeling, “you don’t look like something is not right with you. Is there any way I might be of help to you?” The approach worked out well due to the “trust and frequent self-disclosure in the relationship” (Bolton, 1986. p42). With a lot of expression of concern and close eye-contact, I was able to avoid distractions, comprehend the situation, and be more empathetic, thus helping her out to end the homesickness.
The other occasion is when I conversed with one of my professional colleagues, Juan, concerning failure to do the assigned jobs and meet set deadlines for the company. I think I was an ineffective listener in this conversation. As a good friend, I was invited for an evening cup of coffee as we discussed the issue and shared any other experiences relating to both the job and studies. As soon as we had settled and made an order, I thought it would be wise to start by solving issues first before continuing any other type of conversation and enjoyment; hence I tabled the subject. “You said you were worried about your performance at work. What’s the matter?” Instantaneously, something was not right as I carried on. I realized I had not created a safe and private space for my friend to disclose her issue, and also I had failed to make her comfortable by easing her into the discussion (Nurick, 2011. p4). My posture and failure to maintain eye contact signaled a lack of being attentive and minimum interest in what she said. I could look all around at others who were at the restaurant, noting who was coming in and going out. In as much as I was physically present, my mind was wandering all over, thus taking away my maximization of psychological attention (Bolton, 1986. p34). As my friend explained how stressed she was due to conflicts with the boss over her late submissions of poor work, I jokingly responded, “Job life is not that serious for you to be worried about. Relax.” From the look of her eyes, she seemed hopeless of any help from me.
As the conversation went on, I was distracted by her dressing code every time I set my eyes on her, and I did not give myself a chance to observe her facial expressions or body language to “hear” her emotions more clearly, and as a result, I failed to understand her feelings (Bolton, 19861986. p56). Therefore I was unable to ably use the time we had to formulate reflective responses that would continue the conversation and increase my comprehension of her issue. When I tried listening better and paraphrase as I reflect on her subject, lack of attention failed me to deliver effectively, leading to off-topic responses with irrelevant details, and more questions. I remember generally responding, “You are overreacting, the boss isn’t’ harsh or bad as you think.” While I thought my earlier conversations had shaped my listening skills, this interaction showcased a lack of empathy (Nurick, 2011. p6). And eventually, she never got any kind of solution or encouragement from me since I barely listened, as a good friend.
After my conversation with Juan, I later realized that I needed to sharpen my listening skills, especially when it comes to serious matters, with close people such as friends and colleagues. I, therefore, decided to be more effective and efficient when listening. In a conversation with my uncle, Paul, about allowing his children to visit him in Europe, as opposed to always spending their holidays in Jordan regularly, I tried to grab and understand most of the reasons he gave out. This is after his children’s complains that his father is always against them, leaving their home country until they are old enough to do so for themselves. One argument is that due to the harsh economic state, traveling would be more costly to have the three of them travel and would not choose one over the other at different times. He said that they would rather stay at home with other family members and utilize the time studying while they enjoy most of the local tours, which is economical. The other reason is the fear of frustrations of getting back home in some instances, as it is happening that due to COVID-19, borders are being closed while flights are continuing to be suspended. These are just a few as he explained many more of his reasons for non-allowance.
In as much as I tried to defend myself by arguing for a different experience, networking, and as well an observation that would change their perception of life, I focused on being more attentive and applying more reflective listening style. Being my uncle and my elder, I had to be respectful, listen, and understand every phrase while trying not to dismiss him in anything as it would sound disrespectful. I much tried to maintain eye contact and avoid any distractions from the surroundings and any notifications that would pop up on my phone (Bolton, 1986. P37). Listen, son. “It will be difficult having them regularly visiting Europe, but one day I will take them there to tour and have most of the experience.” He said. From the general conversation, I could see and feel the difference in attitude change from the listening and responses I gave. Indeed, this was a more serious conversation, and my listening skills greatly differed in a positive manner as compared to all the others.
From the interactions with the various individuals above, I learned the difference between hearing and listening and its impact on the responses one gives. Giving out undivided attention, comfortable space to voice opinions, emotions, and concerns are vital towards achieving better solutions or meaningful conclusions. Notably, from the conversations, active listening requires practice, which is achievable by engaging in challenging discussions and enhancing general communication skills.