MASSULEAKS 001/2019

MASSULEAKS 001/2019

Massuleaks.

Sometimes I find it funny that I don’t care if some random geezer whips out his manhood and proceeds to take a pee by the roadside. Being a man, especially in a country where sanitation isn’t one of the top priorities of a very corrupt and hypocritical government, it calls for some natural adaptations, one of them being having to find some quick place to urinate.  If you’re a man, then by now, you would know that no pee is as refreshing and natural as one taken behind a corner or behind your own house. Secondly, if you’re spending a whole day in the center of Nairobi, then you should be prepared with fifty shillings or so to cater to your calls of nature while in town. That translates to 1500 shillings per month; somebody’s house rent, to take a piss. And with the ongoing buzz about men being dogs, I have a feeling these ladies could have been right all this time. Wildlife researchers have given constant anecdotes on canines marking territory using their urine. Haven’t you seen some random old dog lifting its leg and shooting some yellow liquid against a tree stamp or lamp post? Well, you’re right.

To a male species of any animal, territories are essential. Funny enough, men only take these random tap jets in areas they’re very comfortable with, put, their land. It’s the same thing as seeing some guy entertaining your girlfriend with jokes for a whole two hours. I mean, it’s a feeling that only a man will understand. So I was thinking we could rally our male MPs to piss a bill on the floor of the house (pun intended), allowing male species of homo sapiens to mark territory around the city without fear of persecution. They should also make it illegal to write, ‘usikojoe hapa’ on the walls of buildings. Honestly, such inscriptions scare the peace out of our heads. That way, we could integrate ourselves back into nature. Just like Miguna Miguna put it, we are still a nation of hunters and gatherers. So the next time you see three or four drops on the fly of your man’s trousers, pity him because no matter how well you shake that funny friend, he always has a drop or two for your pants, especially after doing it on a wall while trying to suppress the sound of it.