Moral Dilemma and Conflict Situations

Moral Dilemma and Conflict Situations

Introduction to the Situation

I have been living with my parents under one roof despite me feeling I need to vacate and look for somewhere else and live away from them. Our relationship has been going on well, and no complaint has ever emerged from any of us. My elder brother was working in another state while my sister was in a boarding school in town. I was the only child staying with mother and father, attending the nearby college, where I was nearly completing my education in mechanical engineering.  At that time, I had no job or any activity to keep me busy whenever I was free, and my leisure time was entirely spent indoors, reading a book, watching movies, or completing assignments. My folks have had an excellent relationship over the years and never did I say there was a time I saw them fighting, or having a misunderstanding with each other. If they had any issues, I assume they were bright enough to hide it from us for their own reasons and maturity-like-playing-stuff.

The events took place one afternoon when I returned home from college. As I approached the house, I heard my mother talking with a stranger(man) in the living room, and did not want to bother them at that point. I proceeded to my room using another door at the backside of the house, into my room. I stayed in the room for a couple of minutes, but the rumbling on the stomach made me go to the kitchen and prepare some snacks to eat. I opened the door leading to the living room from my side. I found my mother intimately holding and kissing another man, who I had previously seen attending a ‘morning puja’ (prayers) in the Hindu Temple. Immediately everyone was ashamed of their indecent acts, and the man rose abruptly, leaving the house hurriedly. My mother was startled to see me home early and asked why I had not called to inform her of my coming home earlier than usual. She offered to buy me lunch at the nearest McDonald’s mall if I promised to keep quiet about the matter and not inform my father. My rumbling stomach betrayed my loyalty to dad, and I accepted the offer. Deep down am struggling to contain my running mind about the issue, contemplating whether to tell my father about it or keep silent about it altogether. What if dad comes to know that I have been hiding the truth from him for a long time? He would never trust me at all and would assume that I know many other secrets being done behind his back. On the other side, I did not want to offend my mother after she offered to buy me lunch as a way of concealing the truth. I was caught between a hard place and a rock.

My father has been playing a significant role in keeping us all happy, shifting from one job to another to ensure all our needs are met. Mother, on the other hand, has also been significant, doing some casual employment in the sewing industry, and balancing the house-wife roles at home. At no particular time did I see or hear any of them cheating on the other, and coming home to find my mother with another man holding intimately, broke my heart. I never knew what to say or do in that moment of astonishment. Either dad was not fully overseeing his roles at home, or my mother had become selfish, non-caring, and irresponsible. Getting the reason for her cheating was difficult, and finding a better explanation was not easy. As children, my siblings and I have been trying our best in school, to make a better future for ourselves. We never wanted to give our parents a headache in attending school, and after my elder brother completed college, he was hired with a transport company in another state. He only came once in a while to visit. I went to the nearby college, while our younger sister was in boarding school. I was the one left at home with parents, and never did I expect to witness something weird to happen, and if it were to happen, it would not be one of my parents cheating on the other.

The Values in Conflict

The main values that are conflicting in this situation are telling my father the truth, or keeping silent and saving mother from the embarrassment. It is challenging to choose and make a decision that will not affect both parties negatively and not make you a snitch or irresponsible kid in the house. I did not want to bring conflict, rift at home, or a misunderstanding between my parents, rocking up to their fantastic relationship that had endured several hurdles for a long time. The question of what is right to do is more challenging to solve. There are several reasons for deciding to keep silent about the matter, such as saving a fight between my parents or being chased away from home yet had nothing to support me on my own. There will be hurt of feelings to both parents whether I keep silent or open up and tell the truth.

Moral Psychology entails reasoning and a combination of feelings or emotions so as to come up with a decision at the end of a conflicting situation. Reasoning helps us to choose the sound resolution, by playing a significant role in moral matters, and it helps us discover ethical standards, and gives us the motivation to make a morally right decision. Plato explained that through reasoning, human beings grasp the essence of moral forms in their greater realms, like the form of justice. Through this reasoning, we make just decisions and act in a morally right way. On the other hand, Aquinas contended that God gave humans a rational capacity of knowing the principles of morality found in human nature, and correctly acting on them. A British philosopher known as Alfred Ayer (1910-1989) developed a theory called emotivism, in which he argues that not only moral assessments are emotional reactions, but they are simple expressions of feelings that do not report facts whatsoever, not even the mental state. The words we say are sometimes actual facts, those that say the truth or false statements. The other words spoken are non-factual statements, which just show the release of feelings, and no factual events are stated. These expressions might be positive or negative about someone, something, or a specific event. Ayer’s views are radical because he insists that all the moral utterances, we make are non-factual expressions of feelings, and a less extreme viewpoint would identify that facts and reasons play a significant role in some of the moral discussions. Therefore, heated moral debates could minimize those expressions of feelings aiming to change people’s emotions without appealing to specific reasons they might have had initially. By being cool-headed and impartial while debating or arguing with conflicting moral issues, there is a need to avoid having the moral dialogues reducing us to the levels of dogs growling at one another.

Specifically describe the ethical dilemma

The specific ethical dilemma in the situation is that no answer will solve the problem in a better way, without leaving behind scars of betrayal on one another. When my father realizes that I had the information about my mother’s infidelity, he would never accept my trust again. He believes that anything wrong should be reported to him without hiding the truth. He has been teaching us to live in an upright way, truthful life, and godly way of life. Cheating is the last thing he expects to see in us, the children. Keeping silent about the matter may cause him getting infected with diseases that are difficult to treat, resulting from having multiple sexual partners. He might not be cheating on her, knowing it is not morally right, yet she is doing so, inside the home they have built for a long time.

On the other hand, when I think of telling father the truth, and the lunch that mother bought me as a way to keep silent, makes me entangled in thoughts. She will see me as a snitch who wants to destroy her relationship with her husband. I do not know what made her act in that manner, and jumping on conclusions right away by telling dad about it, might complicate things further than they really are. She will also never trust me and could force me to vacate the home, go away before I complete my studies. Family is the key strength of a community, and when it breaks up due to misunderstanding, many people are affected, not just the parents, but children too. My siblings will see me as the reason why our parents separated, quarreled, or took actions that ruined our home. How will I stay under the same roof, knowing that I am hiding the truth from one of my parents while protecting the other one. Action needs to be taken to ensure that the right decision is arrived on, made, and taken to save everyone involved.

Looking at ethics from the religious and philosophical points of view, we encounter several branches of ethics that are used to explain our moral standing. First, we look at Normative Ethics, which is dealing with the way people can figure out the accurate action to take in decision making. Philosophers like Socrates and Stuart Mill can be found in this branch of ethics. The second branch is the Meta-Ethics that seeks to understand the nature of ethical properties and the judgments as if truth values can be found and knowing the theories involved behind the moral principles. Another branch is Applied Ethics, which studies the appropriate application of theories from philosophers concerning ethics in daily life. Additionally, the next branch, Moral Ethics questions how people develop morality, and why specific aspects of morality are different between cultures and the reason why other morality aspects are universal in general. The last branch is Descriptive Ethics, which is more scientific-based and deals with how humans operate in the physical world, instead of theorizing their operations. By having an idea to solve an ethical situation that is conflicting and violating the societal moral values is a challenge because the ethical standards that we have been raised to follow do not allow us to just jump into decisions that might be disastrous in the end.

How the Matter was Resolved

Getting a definite answer or conclusion to solve the issue described in this paper is not an easy task, as one may think. Any decision could have long-lasting negative outcomes, which will never be resolved no matter how much effort is put in it. Making ethical decisions is extremely challenging and critical in ensuring the survival of relationships, especially parents, children, and family matters. In some cases, the decisions are easier to make because they have well-cut guidelines to do so, and it doesn’t have any negative outcomes in the end. For this situation in the study, there are no clear paths to take in reaching a definite answer and solution. The decision needs to be defended to prevent the consequences not intended to occur from our dilemma.  One of my parents might commit suicide, especially my father, who will be shocked to realize that his wife has been cheating on him, yet he fights and struggles to keep the family moving and all the needs sustained. Another consequence that might affect me directly is being chased away from home, affecting my stability and studies because I do not have any casual employment to sustain my needs and still depend on my parent’s pocket to survive. Additionally, my mother could decide to sue me in a court of law for damaging her reputation, her name, and her relationship, which might put me in jail.

Life could be challenging for my siblings and me. In case divorce is filed, income is cut abruptly, confusion, pressure, development of severe depression, and or illness which comes from the event. These challenges could lead to complications and create mistakes in the decisions one takes. The anxieties that arise bring inabilities to come up with the right conclusions on the matter at hand. As I contemplate in making a final decision to solve this dilemma, I am required to have a maintained self-awareness that is vital in reaching a definitive answer that will not result in the severe challenges named above. Ethical dilemmas usually arise in an unexpected way in our lives when we are not expecting them at all, and therapists find themselves tied in challenging situations while tackling these events. Solutions are proposed to follow a step-by-step prescription in getting the solution that will bring out the best ethical decision that won’t result in severe negatives in the end.

Modern explanations stress several factors ranging from emotions, individual weaknesses, personalities, and situational-contexts, which influence the way we arrive at conclusions and make decisions in our daily lives. Cognitive means of solving and arriving on decisions need stressing to avoid the non-rational factors involved. For our study and case, I decided to approach a therapist from our faculty, school of engineering, and asked if he could solve the issue I was facing at that time. He agreed to meet my parents and discuss the issue with them and see if he might get a solution to the issue. First, he requested to meet my father, who I had to feign that I had caused some trouble at school, and the college had asked me to call my parents and solve it with the college psychology master. Mother was to see him later after he had gained father’s views and thoughts about the matter, how he felt for my hiding the story from him, his reactions, and reasons that might have led his wife to cheat. Mother went after two weeks to visit, and the therapist engaged her, the reasons for cheating, if she is responsible, and if she was accountable for the mistakes done. I was the last to see him, where he explained his observations and conclusions to me. He asked if I had noticed any changes in mood, behavior, fear, abuse, or treats from my parents, which I denied, though mood swings were observed on my dad in the beginning. He had thought I made a big mistake and that there were huge penalties for it, only to find some other information regarding his wife’s cheating.

Everyone was later called, and the therapist engaged all of us in an in-depth talk, as now everyone had known the main issues and why I had been fighting to tell the truth or hide the matter. Retaining the relationship and family bond was important in ensuring that no severe consequences arose from the conflicting situation. I was glad the therapist made my parents understand what it carries, the weight of the matter, and outcomes if irrational thoughts are taken without considering the immediate people. I later learned that mother did it to get companionship, because father had been staying away for extended times, causing her to cheat.  Involving a professional to solve conflicting issues in moral ethics will result in a sound decision made. The conflicting parties will get a clear picture of the events, made to know the positives, and negatives, creating understanding, maintaining dignity respect, and ensuring that there is no fallout between conflicting individuals.

Using a professional individual who has skills in solving ethical conflicts was the best step to take as a young person. It is always challenging to make your parents understand your feelings without them feeling ashamed, annoyed, and angry at your utterances. A third-part professional brings in balance and cools the flaring tempers that may arise from emotions being triggered and reactions of the people in a conflicting dilemma. I would not have found a better way to tell my father about the cheating mother, at the same time betraying mothers trust of me not reporting her to her husband, because of the lunch she had bought me on that day I caught her cheating.

Theories to Describe the Decision-Making Process while Resolving

The Theories in Ethical that are describing the dilemma situation of this study and the foundation of decision-making when ethics are in the play represent the manner in which an individual seeks guidance to assist them in getting sound decisions. Every theory has its particular points which are separate from each other, the style used, rules followed, and accurate decisions are made in the end. By considering the ethical theory on rights, it says that these rights are founded by society and are protected and receive the highest priority.  Rights are seen as ethically accurate because a huge population agrees and endorses them. As I decided to open up to the therapist, who, in turn, talked with both parents reaching a conclusion and solution, it was my right to find a lasting solution to the conflicting situation. The second theory is the virtue ethical one, which judges an individual by their character and not by action that may deviate from normal behavior. The theory takes a person’s morals, reputation, and motivation into consideration when rating the unusual norm that is unethical. By not judging my mother harshly for her behavior, I was able to find someone, a professional, to solve the conflict arising from her actions. She has been a great parent for a long time, and the act of cheating cannot make her be judged harshly.

The third ethical theory describing the decision-making procedure while resolving it is the Deontology theory, which states that people should follow and stick to their obligations and duties when engaged in decision-making, especially where the ethics are present. An individual will follow the commitments to other people or society at large, since that individual is upholding their duty, and is therefore considered as ethically correct. A good example is that a deontologist will always stick to the promises made to their friends, following the laws to the latter. The decisions made by people following the deontology theory are always consistent, as they are based on the set duties of a person. My father kept his duties of providing for the family needs, despite him going away for extended periods, he still felt obliged to provide for his family, and that it is his duty to care for his family.

For cognitive morals to develop, education is essential to assist in the growth of mental, physical, and emotional, as they help in moral cognizance. Using the Socratic theory, individuals can solve their ethical dilemmas through critical thinking, together with great tactics of decision-making. Kohlberg teaches several stages of ethical reasoning, with every one of them being of higher significance than the previous one. The different levels help people to identify themselves in a better way, giving them the challenge to move to a higher level of thinking, and solving critical dilemmas in ethics. These skills are essential for every person to possess and acquire, and it will assist in reducing conflicts in society.

Final outcomes

In conclusion, a solution was found, mother promised to change, and end her promiscuity, father assured her that he would try his best to create time and spend more time with her, come home occasionally, and continue providing for the family. I had to promise to tell the truth, though I was hit with a surprise from my parents, they agreed that I had to seek some job to keep me busy in my free time, as I prepare to move out after college. The relief in my heart after getting a lasting solution was great, and it motivated me to later pursue a career in psychology and help many people solve the conflicting dilemmas they encounter in their daily lives.  The study shows how difficult a simple situation might be, rising to conflicting ethics both in the family and society. Acting correctly and getting the right facts results to sound decision-making, which does not have negative consequences. Professional psychologists weigh all the possibilities following the ethics codes, and strictly acting and making decisions under the code without violating it. They possess essential skills that have been gained through consultations, experiences, and researching on the correct solutions to give out. All decisions should aim at solving the conflicts and protecting the interests of all parties involved in the ethical dilemma.