Muslims and Divorce

Muslims and Divorce

Marriage is an essential institution in the Islamic faith, but the Quran provides specific guidelines for divorce incase the union fails. The Quranic laws propose that marriage should be based on love and mutual respect between man and wife. In the pre-Islamic times, families in the Arab world exercised free will to repudiate and claim back their wives at will several times. The Islamic faith has, however initiated reforms to this institution by limiting the number of times a man can reclaim his wife after disagreements. Islam introduced changes to the family institution where a woman could initiate a divorce as a departure from the traditional patriarchal system. Parties to divorce must provide compelling reasons for the action, including proven infidelity. Before undertaking divorce, Muslims have several channels for conflict resolution. The process of divorce also allows for reconciliation, according to Islamic conventions. Regardless of reconciliation opportunities, cases of divorce continue to rise in modern times. Divorce in the Islamic faith is the last resort as Muslims consider marriage central to fulfilling religious obligations. The increasing cases of divorce among Muslims is alarming and associated with a range of psychological effects. The Muslim leaders must therefore revisit the existing conflict resolution techniques to restore the sanctity of the family.

The Sanctity of Marriage

Marriage in Islam is a sacred institution supported by Quranic writings. According to the Quran, marriage is divinely predestinated and fulfills the will of Allah. The Quran expressly talks about the place of marriage as a divine sign, “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you must find repose with them. And he has placed between you affection and mercy. In that, there are certainly signs for people who reflect” Quran 30:21. Based on this verse, marriage is ordained by Allah and is not a random decision of mortals. Allah created spouses within individuals, and marriage is seen as a reconnection with a divine partner. Consequently, the marriage process is elaborate and only concerns consenting adults. The Quran directs that a woman must have a recognized guardian before entering into marriage and that the process must have a clear proposal and acceptance. The Islamic scriptures do not specify who can propose marriage and leaves the opportunity for either the man or the woman to propose.

Mohammad sets an example in the liberty that Muslims enjoy in a marriage proposal. According to Islamic literature, Khadija, Mohammad’s first wife, proposed to him after noticing his sense of respect and honesty. Muhammad was an employee of Khadija before he married her. Although Khadija bint Khuwayid was better endowed financially and was twenty-five years older than Mohammad, the two enjoyed a marriage life characterized by love and compassion (Jaafar-Mohammad and Lehmann, 2011). Mohammad’s story reveals that Islam does not put restrictions on gender, age, and material wealth in marriage. This is an indication of equal value that the Islamic faith has on both males and females. Muslim men can, therefore not divorce without the consent of their wives.

The liberty that both men and women enjoy under Islamic faith is, however compromised with cultural and philosophical perspectives. Abou-Bakr, for instance, explores the exegesis of qiwama regarding the relationship between men and women. He observes that men are designed to rule over women based on their biological determinism (Al-Sharmani, 2018). According to this thesis, women must play the domestic roles of house chores and the care of children. She however advocates for fair treatment of women by me as good fathers and husbands.  Abou-bakr’s views agree with the ideas of the modern exegetical discourse that proposes that women are naturally inclined to domestic work while men have the innate propensity for leadership and rationality. Abou-bakr observes that modernist patriarchy is disadvantageous to women because it takes attention away from men’s responsibility and instead focuses more on the nature and roles of women. These propositions imply that the man has a higher status compared to women in Islam. The writings challenge the sacred nature of the relationship between men and women in marriage and proposes that this knowledge can be revisited.

Reasons for Divorce

Although divorce was practiced in pre-Islamic times, the Quran has set out specific guidelines and reasons for divorce. The practice is no longer haphazard and based on the whims of the men but keenly ensures respect for the rights of women. A man intending to divorce a wife must give her three months waiting period to ensure that she is not pregnant (Jaafar-Mohammad and Lehmann, 2011). The period also provides an opportunity for the couple to reconcile. Men, during this period, must not take advantage of their wives or inflict any form of injury on them. The process enables families to consider their reasons for divorce and offers the chance to reconcile. The method of divorce under the Quran also gives the woman economic advantages as she is not expected to divide the wealth, she has acquired either before or after the marriage with her husband (Jaafar-Mohammad and Lehmann, 2011). Husbands, however, must divide their wealth with their wives after the cessation of the marriage. In this regard, Islam appreciates the contribution of the woman to the economic wellbeing of the family and ensures her stability following a divorce.

The convention in society in society in general, however, is generally skewed against the woman. Aspects of property after divorce are often dependent on culture and legal precedence. Although, in some jurisdictions the concept of division of wealth after divorce is clearly stipulated in law, court proceedings may determine the extent to which this requirement can apply based on specific cases (Jaafar-Mohammad and Lehmann, 2011). Some culture only recognizes property in marriage from the context of a man. The man, therefore, does not have the legal obligation to consult his wife when disposing the property or subjecting it to into any legal transaction. In situations where the woman is not working, she may receive any property after divorce because she is deemed not to have contributed to the wealth financially (UNWOMEN, 2018). Such jurisdictions do not appreciate the non-monetary value the woman contributes to the marriage, such as raising children and caring for the elderly relatives (UNWOMEN, 2018). Women generally assume domestic roles in families, and because they are not monetized, society often considers them as inferior. The Islamic regulations, in this case, elevate the financial state of the woman and ensures that regardless of her financial state, she receives a share of property following divorce.

In Islam, either a man or a woman may initiate divorce, but the process must meet several criteria established in the Quran. The intentions for divorce must first be clear and not dependent on the whims of the individual. Besides, the process must not take place during a woman’s menstrual period and she is expected not to have had any sexual relations since the end of her menses. The individual initiating the divorce must be mentally sound, alert and conscious and not be under extreme anger (Jaafar-Mohammad & Lehmann, 2011). The Quran also directs that a divorcing individual must be free from external pressure. The guidelines ensure that the process of divorce is based on practical grounds and is not executed in a hurry. Nevertheless, an individual, knowing the legal requirements, may conceal the intentions. The process, however, enables parties to a divorce to pursue divorce through amicable means. Although divorce is a recognized process in the Islamic faith, there are provisions for revocability under certain circumstances. In Islam divorce cessation of marriage is highly discouraged. In this regard, the religion provides for several dispute resolution mechanisms to save the marriage. As a direction for divorce, the Quran states, “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them it may be that you dislike something which Allah has placed great deal of good” (Quran 4:9). In this regard, divorce is considered as a last resort and Muslims are encouraged to seek counselling and other dispute resolution mechanisms.

The efforts to protect marriage in Islam is based on the perspective that it is a sacred institution. Islamic marriage (nikah) is a legal contract that legitimizes sexual intercourse. Marriages in Islam marriages can take place without legal recognition. Such marriages are conducted privately without the participation of the registrar or an authorized government official. Some Muslims, residing in the UK opt for such marriages in order to escape the legal system or the ideology that the religious law is superior to the prevailing legal system. Such marriages are referred to as nikah-only and enjoy no recognition under the conventional law. Based on the ideology of the superiority of the Islamic law, most dispute resolution mechanisms involving Muslims generally take place outside the traditional legal systems. Conservative interpretations of the Shariah discourage parties to family disputes from taking their matters to courts. Arbiters from each side of the family are expected to design mechanisms for resolving marital conflicts. When family members and friends fail to resolve conflicts, Muslims seek alternative channels including mosques or Shariah Councils (SCs). The nikah-only marriages, however, may subject women to several injustices as they may not have the means of establishing whether the prospective husband is married (Uddin, 2018). Experiences from Muslim women in Britain reveal that the lack of a civil marriage exposed them to uncertainties about their status in marriages. The lack of legal registration of marriages among the Muslim defines the forms of dispute resolutions in marriage.

Divorce in Islam can be initiated on several grounds by either the man or the woman. Some of the reasons cited for divorce among Muslims include domestic violence and abuse, interference by in-laws, polygamy, adultery and failure to provide financial support (Uddin, 2018). The common means of alternative dispute resolution among Muslims include the extended family network, trusted elders, spiritual leaders and coteries of people with similar interests. A study among Muslims in the UK revealed that it was mainly women who sought arbitration in marriage disputes. However, the majority of the women felt that they would not get a fair solution when family members were engaged in dispute resolution (Uddin, 2018). Some conflicts in Muslim marriages may be solved through professional services but the majority preferred arbitration from family and friends because of cultural sensitivity and issues of trust. Families are believed to have the best interest of the couples and thus provide lasting support for families.

Although divorce is considered as a last resort in resolving marriage conflicts in Islam, there is an increasing number of failed marriages among Muslims. A study of marriages among Muslims in Malaysia revealed that the rates of divorce were on a steady rise (Zakariyah and Sapardi, 2018). The number of divorce cases recorded in 2014 was 59712 compared to 49684 in 2013. The statistics also showed that divorce rates among Muslims was more than 80% compared to non-Muslims. In Malaysia, men and women cited different reasons for divorce but the leading cause was incompatibility and irreconcilable differences. Whereas men recorded 56% rates for irreconcilable differences and incompatibility, women’s response for this quality was at 38%. These statistics reveal that women are more tolerant in marriage than men. The scenario goes against the Islamic religious view of marriage where Allah prepared compatible spouses for each person and that divorce is the last resort as a conflict resolution mechanism. Other leading causes of divorce among Muslim men in Malaysia include infidelity and involvement of In-laws among other causes. Women cited irresponsible husbands, involvement of In-laws, polygamy, financial problems and drug abuse. Among the common reasons cited for divorce in Muslim families is the involvement of families. The observation is an indication that modern Muslim families are continuously independent and do not appreciate the involvement of family members in conflict resolution as prescribed in the Quran. The Quranic scriptures state that, “If you fear (Shiqaq) breach between them twain, appoint (two) orbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed, Allah is Ever All-knower, Well-Acquainted with all things” (Quran, 4:35). The increasing divorce rates based on irreconcilable differences and family involvement therefore reveal a departure from the religious guide to marriage.

Psychological Effects of Divorce

The increasing rates of divorce among Muslims adversely affects the family institution and disrupts the functioning of other social institutions including religion and government. marriage is a permanent institution in Islam and divorce is only allowable under special circumstances. Previously, families had a social obligation to stay married, but this has changed, and the stability of marriages is dependent on the fulfilment of individual obligations. Although seen as a solution to conflict, divorce has adverse psychological consequences including loneliness, depression and anxiety. Dr. Sheila Kessler developed a model that explains the psychological process that leads to marriage termination among Muslim couples.

The first stage in the psychological process in divorce among Muslims is disillusionment that affects either one or both partners. At this stage, an individual realizes that they will not meet their expectations in marriage due to faults in their partner (Wazeema, 2017). The individual therefore begins the process of emotional tension. The stage leads to erosion where the individual experiences a reduction in the affection towards the spouse and seeks new interest and avoids interaction with the partner. At the detachment stage, couples drift further away, engage in minimal conversation. After this stage, couples advance to physical separation when they can no longer tolerate the marriage. The individual, at this stage may move to a new location and may initiate the process of legal divorce (Wazeema, 2017). A divorced person, according to Kessler, experiences ‘morning’ just after the termination of marriage. A range of feelings and emotions like anger, sadness, guilt and rejection bombard the individual because of the loss of a partner. The next stage is the ‘second adolescence’ considered as a new stage in life. A divorced person at this stage seeks to regain his/her position in the society, creates new interests, pursues a new career and seeks to find live again. The final stage, in Kessler’s model is ‘Hard work’ where the divorcee emerges as a strong individual and overcomes his emotions (Wazeema, 2017). Consequently, the individual develops good plans for the future, pursues good company through friends through self-confidence. Individuals who fail to adjust appropriately through the stages may suffer emotional breakdown and fail to function well min the community. Both men and women in Muslim divorces face psychological challenges (Wazeema, 2017). However, according to a study on divorce among Sri Lankan Muslims the psychological effects among women are more pronounced. According to Wazeema (2017). Muslim men generally move past the first five stages and advance to the point of hard work. Women, on the other hand linger at the moiurning stage and experience heightened emotional challenges after divorce (Wazeema, 2017). Although divorce is allowed among Muslims due to unsolved conflict in marriage, the process subjects parties to adverse emotional challenges that diminish their functioning in society.

Marriage in Islam is a sacred institution and divorce is only allowed as a last resort. The Quran states that Allah created a marriage party for each individual and marriage is a demonstration of the union. A stable marriage is desirable among Muslims as it determines the functioning of an individual in the family, religion and society. In this regard, Islam provides for a variety of channels to resolve family disputes and save marriages from dissolution. Recent studies have however revealed that the rates of divorce among Muslims is on a steady rise. One of the leading causes of divorce is the incompatibility of spouses and interference of family members. According to the Quran, divorced women enjoyed economic protection as they were required to keep the resources acquired before and after the marriage when the marriage dissolves. Besides, the husband was required to divide the family wealth with the wife upon divorce. The dynamics of divorce have however changed and based on modern trends and legal precedence rather that the Quran. The sanctity of marriage among Muslims is therefore on the decline and subject to several influences. Stakeholders must revisit the effectiveness of conflict resolution mechanisms among Muslim marriages to restore the sanctity of marriage.

References

Al-Sharmani, M. (2018). Marriage in Islamic Interpretive Tradition: Revisiting the Legal and the Ethical. Journal of Islamic Ethics, 2(1-2), 76-96.

Jaafar-Mohammad, I., & Lehmann, C. (2011). Women’s Rights in Islam Regarding Marriage and Divorce. Journal of Law and Practice, 4(1), 3.

Uddin, I. (2018). Nikah-only Marriages: Causes, Motivations, and Their Impact on Dispute Resolution and Islamic Divorce Proceedings in England and Wales. Oxford Journal of Law and Religion, 7(3), 401-426.

UNWOMEN (2018). Marriage, Family and Property Rights: A practitioner’s toolkit on Women Access to justice Programming. Accessed 26^th March 2020 from https://www.ohchr.org/Documents/Publications/PractitionerToolkit/WA2J_Module2.pdf

Wazeema, T. M. F. (2017). A psychological perspective of divorce among Muslim community in Sri Lanka.