Resiliency through Challenge: Moving Beyond Divorce to Construct a New Life
Factors That Contribute To a Sense of Resilience and Growth through a Divorce Process
More than half of first-time marriages are anticipated to end in divorce (Rohde-Brown & Rudestam, 2011, p109). Divorce, therefore, is a stressor that cannot be ignored as it affects the physical, emotional, social, financial, and psychological aspects of the parties involved. To overcome trauma and stress-related characteristics of divorce, resilience, and growth are critical elements. Both of these characteristics are not easily applied but can be achieved over time. Resilience comes from a mindset change, support system, culture, and social conditioning. Support systems, such as divorce therapy sessions, significantly increase resilience. A culture that does not victimize divorced individuals equally contributes to resilience. A change in the mindset where a victim mindset is changed to a victor mindset also contributes to resilience. Divorce is predominantly an emotional stressor. As such, dealing with the emotions attributed to divorce is imperative. Feelings of anger, resentment, guilt, and shame are examples of divorce-related emotions. Forgiveness is essential in overcoming anger and resentment and, as such, promotes emotional well being (Luskin, 2010, p31).
Resilience, in this case, can be taught and built through direct and indirect support from all the aspects mentioned. One of the ways of building resilience is attending professional therapy sessions. A psychologist in this regard would assist the individual in overcoming the negative feeling associated with the divorce. In the process, resilience is built. Attending divorce support groups is another way of building resilience. Different divorce situations have different challenges aspects involved. Don't use plagiarised sources.Get your custom essay just from $11/page
Critical Steps to Rebuilding After the Divorce Process
Acceptance of the fact that the marriage is over is vital to rebuilding after the divorce process. Anger and resentment are feelings that ex-spouses sometimes harbor for very long periods (Rye et al., 2004, p34). Acceptance does not automatically translate to overcoming these feelings. To overcome moving forward is imperative. It is, however, important to note that moving forward is challenging without forgiveness. In this regard, forgiveness plays a critical role in the rebuilding process. Anger, hatred, resentment are all negative feelings that not only hamper rebuilding but negatively affect individuals’ health. People harboring these feelings have higher chances of acquiring diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and high blood pressure, for example. Negativity thus affects physical health as well.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, promotes physical health as well as mental health. The two characteristics are not only crucial in the rebuilding process but are instrumental in life. Different aspects change as a result of divorce. Identifying changes such as child custody, child support, and finances, for example, is essential. Identification of possible changes makes it easier to make the necessary readjustments. Funds, for example, may necessitate a change in lifestyle, such as moving to a different house in a new neighborhood. Identification and anticipation of possible changes would make the adaptation and planning process more manageable. Adaptation encourages rebuilding after a divorce process.
Anticipated or Unavoidable Changes from the Divorce/Relationship-Ending Process
Changes are unavoidable in a divorce process. Changes occur at both personal and societal levels. From a personal level, negative emotions are likely to occur. Society sometimes has a negative attitude that involves blaming the parties involved. Some cultures do not condone divorce; hence in such a culture, the divorced parties do not get support and feel like outcasts. Change has to come with adaptation; thus, the mindset has to change as well. A lack of adjustment is likely to create feelings of denial. Support systems are also likely to change as professional and casual coping sources such as support groups and counseling are sought.
Resilience and growth are positive changes as they lead to personal growth and development. Discrimination and judgment at the cultural and social level is, however, a negative change. Changes that involve finances, property, and children are bound to be difficult inevitably. Child custody and child support battles are likely to ensue for a long time. Change in finances affects overall lifestyle, which is challenging. The custody of children is a substantial blow in a divorce situation. The children suffer emotionally and can take time to readjust to the prevailing situation.
Reconstruction Period after a Divorce
Reconstruction differs depending on the individuals involved and the circumstances surrounding the divorce. As such, restoration takes varying time frames. In this regard, reconstruction is not a linear process as barriers are anticipated in the process. An individual undergoing a divorce process is likely to have relapses of feelings of anger once in a while. A child or property custody battle, for example, is likely to reignite negative feelings towards the other party. An individual who has previously undergone the forgiveness and rebuilding phase is likely to suffer challenges initially encountered at the beginning of the process. Sometimes the feelings harbored increase over time based on problems encountered post-divorce. In this regard, the reconstruction process and the subsequent period are not linear and sometimes take numerous detours from the predictable path. Social and cultural attributes are also likely to change the reconstruction process negatively or positively.