Self-Definition

Self-Definition

When growing up, most children face various struggles that are prompted by the conflicts within themselves. Significantly the internal crisis for discovering one’s place in life is the most significant issue that pushes some children to various heights to get recognition. Mostly, all children desire to be noticed and have the common desire to feel that their contribution to other people’s life is explored. Significantly, the theme that would best suit such a scenario is self-definition, which is evident from my experiences as a child. Additionally, this theme is common throughout the story by Sandra, which narrates the adventures of a girl named Esperanza. House on Mango Street is a set of various short chapters that describe the life of Esperanza, especially after they move into a house in Mango Street. The experiences show multiple instances of a child trying to find her place in the world. It is an illustration of the efforts of trying to discover herself. Self-definition involves the character that makes one different from others around them (O’Kelley, 65). As the case is with Esperanza, the primary worry is self-definition, which means that one keeps trying to find out who they are and where they stand in other people’s life.

Self-Definition

A Child’s Place in The Family

Significantly, when growing up, I was always faced with the desire to feel that I was the priority in our home. Being the third born among four children meant that there were children before me and after me in age. Therefore, there were instances when I thought that they received more attention than I did. For example, I wouldn’t be sent to run dangerous errands that required one amongst us that had more knowledge than the rest. That was because I was seen as being too small for that.

On the other hand, I could not receive as much empathy as our last sibling did because he was considered the youngest and most delicate of us all. Therefore, it was easier for our youngest sibling to be understood after making mistakes more than it was for us. As for the rest of us, it was considered our responsibility to ensure that our last sibling does not get in trouble.

Hence, I felt that I was left out, and therefore I always tried to get the attention of my parents by going out to play with friends in dangerous parts of our neighborhood. After explaining where I had been playing the entire day, my parents would get worried and would, as a result, ask everyone the next day not to let me out of their sight. Hence, with such stunts, I became the responsibility of my two elder siblings once in a while. This behavior was an attempt to find where I belonged and to define my role in our family as the third-born child who was not receiving any attention.

Essentially, that is for the same reason that goes out with the other children and their cousin for risk drivers around the street. For Esperanza, she likes playing with the automatic windows and being driven around (Rodríguez, 176). But the reader notices that she wants to experience the risky things that the older people, including the police, warn against.

First, she feels detached from her younger sibling, Nenny, with whom she cannot play due to her young age. She says, “Nenny is my responsibility.” (Cisneros, 32). This statement shows that she feels that Nenny is a burden and, by extension, is getting too much attention as the youngest. This fact may be the reason why Esperanza opts to play with other older children.

Defining One’s Role In Life

Significantly, this desire to know what one contributes to other people’s lives comes with wanting to dissociate with a specific name or associating with a name that sounds attractive or better. For instance, when I was 14 years old, I changed my name to Jason. Then I was a teenager, which meant that I was already beginning to experience the desire to be loved or to feel special. According to my observation, I had noticed that boys named Jason were getting more attention from the girls. Mostly, the name was not frequent then, and though I did not know the meaning, I found it beautiful and attractive.

Significantly, as seen in the book’ house in Mango Street,’ young Esperanza tries to find out what her name means. She says that “it means sadness.” (Cisneros, 1) She also goes ahead to use imagery when she says that “it’s a muddy color.” (Cisneros, 1) There is also a simile that has been used to liken her name to the number nine, which to show how hopeless she was even though, in English, her name meant hope. Arguably, in this case, she tries to avoid the Spanish meaning of her name and to relate more with the English meaning.

Her struggle to find her place in the new environment causes her to desire to change her Spanish name. She is facing the battle of becoming a woman in an environment that is different. Hence, to avoid being different, she decides to learn the new language, which is English, and identify herself with the new name rather than her heritage, which is her family name (Rodríguez, 176). Through trying to find a different path for herself, she seeks to forge a whole new definition of who she is.

Mostly, that’s an effort to feel unique and useful in life. In most cases, just like Esperanza, I would think that the reason I fail to get the beautiful girls is because of not having a name as beautiful as Jason. Additionally, not being the most handsome among my friends was a problem for me.

Most of my teenage life was spent trying to get to know what people think about my appearance. For instance, every time I wore a new pair of trousers, I would sit in front of the class and walk out as many times as I could. This behavior was prompted by the desire to get noticed and to hear positive remarks about myself.

Further, I once wore my father’s hat and walked out to see if the rest of the boys in the neighborhood would be afraid of me. This action was a result of the constant bullying that I faced from the other boys for being the smallest. However, I had noticed that they were afraid of my father, and looking at my father, I found him being an invincible person because of his strong character. So by wearing his hat, I thought I would be able to seem harsh and display a strong character that would scare my older friends.

Mainly, the narration describes Esperanza’s face as being fat and ugly. Therefore, among all her friends, she is the ugliest. The theme of self-definition is emphasized by the desire by Esperanza to feel as unique as any of her friends (Rodríguez, 176). This effort is seen clearly when Esperanza, Lucy, and Rachel walk down the street in heels.

In essence, they try to get the validation of other people, including a drunkard in the street. She says, “we have legs skinny but good to look at.” (Cisneros, 87) The definition of a girl’s beauty to the three girls is beautiful legs. Additionally, from their point of view, being able to walk in heels is desirable to them. Hence, they ask Rachel to teach them how to walk in the heels. It becomes clear to the reader that these girls are trying to find their place in a world that has standards.

To Accept Oneself

Significantly, children are easily affected by feeling inadequate, primarily due to failure to fall within societal standards. To allow oneself requires one to think of themselves with high regard despite being different. For instance, I once walked to school to save my bus fare to use –the money on my friends at school.

Being from a low-income family meant that I couldn’t afford to buy candy on our way from school. Hence, this said that I could not enjoy the company of children from wealthy families, which also seemed like a privilege. Therefore, as my brother and our friend Jacob were boarding the bus, I pretended that I had forgotten a book back at home and so I asked them to leave without me.

However, immediately the bus took off, I turned and started running in the same direction. I arrived at school panting and with the taste of metal in my mouth as a result of running all the way. When the time to go back home came, I realized that my little money could only afford to buy candy for a few of my friends. This inadequacy of my money made me feel inadequate even after the sacrifice I had made.

Significantly, persona in “the house in Mango Street” feels inadequate for her lack of friends. She meets two girls Lucy and Rachel who ask her to give them five dollars to be friends with them. According to Rachel, the five dollars is a contribution to buy q bicycle for the group. Esperanza says, “I know Nenny will be happy to know we own a bike.” (Cisneros, 54) This statement is after the persona takes Nenny’s money to contribute to the five-dollar amount.

Essentially, the five-dollar that Rachel and Lucy ask for is the cost for their friendship and the bicycle. This action taken by Esperanza is a desperate action that is caused by her failure to accept their lack of a bike and company. Though she has Cathy, she still feels that she needs the two girls as friends. On the other hand, Cathy says that she doesn’t like Rachel and Lucy because they smell like a broom (Wissman, 24). This figurative language is supposed to indicate to the reader that Lucy and Rachel are not perfect.

According to Cathy, they are not likable, and hence, being friends with them is not worth as much as they are asking for. However, the fact that Esperanza still goes ahead to give them money shows the impact of these two accepting themselves. It is because of accepting themselves that they attract others to themselves without much effort. This act of accepting who oneself is related to the theme of self-definition, which includes understanding oneself and knowing what one is worth.

In conclusion, the theme of self-definition is evident in my life experiences. This theme is seen explicitly in how in different occurrences, I struggled to create an imaginary character from myself to fit in the different groups. This fact is made clear by the sub-claims, such as the issue of accepting oneself and defining one’s role in life. These cases are relatable to the story of Esperanza in a new environment where she tries to forge a new definition for herself to survive.