single-parenting

single-parenting

When you hear the word single-parenting, the first thing that pops in your mind is how can anyone be able to provide a good life for their child without the second parent in the picture. The judgment will always be there for single parents out there. However, it seems more so for single moms. With that being sometimes said, the mothers do not have a choice in the matter; either they are divorced or widowed or could have had a guy get them pregnant and runoff as well as maybe having a baby without telling the father due to domestic violence scenarios. Who are we as outsiders to judge these women who do the best job and being a mom and father to their child or children? It may not be ideal for the mother to be alone, but they do know what is best for their kids. The world ridicules single moms to the point where they feel they are being attacked or looked at as a horrible person. Single moms can and have taken on both roles of being a mom and dad, while the struggle is real, the outcome is overpowering and rewarding.

In today’s world, no one takes into account the fact that single moms have to work twice as hard because they are doing it on their own. Everyone who is a single parent out there has a story or a different situation than the other single parent. There is no room to judge without knowing the facts. Many moms had to adapt to new circumstances while making the best out of their situation. Moms do not need validation on how to care for their child, they are capable human beings, and chose this life for the little ones they love, all they ask is for others to respect them for taking on the roles of both parents.

The evidence shows in past cases that being a single mom harms the child. The child will have a higher probability of dropping out of school, become a teen parent, have behavior problems, higher rates of divorce when they grow up, and attendance for work and school go down tremendously. With that said, a lot of lawmakers out there have said they put single moms in the categories of poverty, or a Black “Welfare mother” (American Prospect). Is our country this shallow in thinking that any parent who is a single mom or father is automatically on welfare and poverty? Also, how can we know how the children will grow up with all these problems?

Poverty is brought up every time the subject comes up about being a single mom. There are many moms out there today who have two or more jobs to provide for their children. No matter how many jobs they may have, it does not pay enough for housing, let alone food and all the other bills that acquire such as electricity. What is a single parent to do when they work hard to put food on the table but still are considered to be living in poverty? “The claim is that such households have higher poverty rates because they’re bound to bring in less money than a two-adult household would” (national review).

Studies show the con adverse effects on the children’s mental health; they are prone to depression, living with only one parent, and have emotional problems due to not having a father figure around. Plus it is going to cause extra stress to the mom who is raising the little one on her own, emotional and financial stress will come in to play. When you have two parents, you more than likely will have a more significant income and be able to have better opportunities for having a better education.

Statistics from February 5, 2019, show that there are more than 15 million single moms in America and to mention that 86% of the individual families are led by moms in the US (single mother statistics). “Studies show that 13% of Americans disapprove of interracial marriage, 37% of Americans disapprove of same-sex marriage, but a whopping 69% of Americans disapprove of single mothers. Since 26% of US children live in single-parent homes, that means over 19 million children are potentially impacted by this thoughtless stigma towards their family situation” (Ashlock). (More on this section)

Fathers are considered to be the breadwinner of the family when you take him out of the equation the only thing left is a mom with one substantial income, or if she does not work then there is state assistance which only lasts a certain amount of time. While many moms out, there are more independent, and it is a challenge for the ones who have children to raise. A mother’s instinct, however, is to always care for the children no matter what obstacles are put in front of them. There is no hurdle significant enough to keep a mom from raising their children. A mother’s duty is the same as if she had a partner to help out. Even when you are married you are still taking on the biggest challenge of your life the only difference is you are on your own now. As a single mom your fears might grow every day, but it is okay. This is how life will be. You may become more paranoid when your child is sick and be overly concerned, but it is a part of being a parent. Do not forget to care for yourself too. Most moms forget to put themselves first at times. For you to care for your child, you must take care of your mental and physical health too. Parents cannot let fear overcome their lives. All a child wants is love; love by the parent who is raising them. In an article called Surviving and thriving as a single mom, the author stated “The essence of being a good parent is putting your own needs. First, this does not mean compromising your parenting. It does mean keeping yourself as grounded and as stress-free as possible so you can give your baby the wonderful childhood he or she deserves” (Sarah/Parenting).

Mothers are perhaps some of the best multi-taskers in today’s society. The total amount of responsibilities they need to juggle makes them a combination of a nurturer, caregiver, teacher, nurse, cheerleader, disciplinarian and more and while there is father figure around. Now being all of these things as a single mom is one of the most challenging things to be. Parents deserve breaks, and you may think you are selfish if you need some time to take for yourself, but to care for your kids in the best way possible, you have to take time for yourself. Not having a partner to help or ask to watch the kids while you take a break may be harder to do. One thing a single mom can do is reach out to mom groups in your area, or go to the library with your children to the activities they host to meet other moms. Don’t be afraid to branch out of your comfort zone. This will help you get out and keep your sanity while participating in activities you never thought about before. One thing society has shown us is when you have two parents, you are more consistent with rules and can together make more rules. Being a single mom, you are more than likely going to break a few rules here and there and not be as consistent as you will be with a significant other.

To help the mothers out there in our community, more should be open-minded and non-judgmental to those who are trying to make the best for their kids. It may be easier said then done, but if you are at the store and see a struggling mom shopping and using her food stamp card, maybe offer to pay for some or all of her groceries that day. Or if you come in contact with a mom dealing with a screaming toddler, don’t walk by and frown at her or make rude faces, maybe stop and ask if you can help out in any way. It is all about little actions you can take to make someone’s day better. Single moms deserve the same respect as any other adult or human for that matter. Every person has a story to tell, some may be hard to recite or listen to, but have an open heart and be willing to help those who need help and walk away with your head up high if those decline the help. Having state assistance is not always the best route to go. You can only be on it for a certain amount of years, and they do expect you to work any job that is out there, even if it is beneath you, a job is a job. A minimum wage job does not always cut it. Not having the appropriate income will hurt not just the parent but the children as well. The state needs to come up with better regulations to help out the single parents out there. A better scenario would be to lower the cost of housing, and then minimum wage jobs will be easier for parents to take on, knowing they will make enough to pay rent.

Back in the day, it was the women who stayed home to care for the family and do all the household chores. No one looked down on them. The men were the working ones who came home late to have dinner on the table, the house clean, and kids cared for. Our society today is a bunch of hypocrites thinking women can not be independent let alone make their own decision if they want to be alone and raise children. It is solely their choice not the choice of their neighbors. Many women out there are responsible, and while each has their own story to tell, it is not okay for the American people to judge and make quick accusations. Being a single mom is challenging, and there will be ups and downs. Who knows, maybe statistics are correct. However, the mom who is raising her kid will do the best she can to provide a safe and enjoyable life for her son or daughter. There are plenty of other role models out there who can take the place of a dad, such as a teacher, another parent, grandparent, friends, and the list goes on. Your child will know who they can talk to, and figure out in life what matters most, the ones who weren’t there or the ones who raised them and loved them unconditionally.