The changing stages in relationships

The changing stages in relationships

The changing stags in relationships is a common phenomenon in almost every society. The understanding of love is the main thing that shifts as people go through different levels of relationships. With news covering various items on celebrities and politician relationship life, it is essential to assess how an individual’s view on love is affected. For this paper, an older adult was interviewed to understand how they have viewed love as they went through dating, engagement, marriage, divorce, singlehood, and remarrying.

The interview revealed that the perception of intimacy and love change over time. The respondent said that throughout her life, she has witnessed every generation handle their relationship matters differently. The vivid revelation is that every stage of relationship does have its unique needs that, when absent, results in termination. According to (Hull, Meier & Ortyl, 2014, P. 2), “partners in a pure relationship establish trust through intense communication, yet the possibility of breakups always looms.” No matter how strong the relationship is, failure to meet the needs of the other can always lead to separation and divorce.

The beginning of relationships narrows down to the biological and social needs of any person. From the respondent, love at dating meant an attraction with no significant attachment. She also added it was an experimental and playful stage. These answers coincide with Hemesath (2016, p.47), who explains that drive for love has a biological theory with the primary goal of mating that is often motivated by attraction, sex drive, and attachment. The lady revealed the connection individual develop at this stage is essential for the success of the relationship. If the partners are lucky enough, they go to the engagement step. According to the interviewee, engagement love is serious as there is a genuine commitment, sincere decision making, emotional intimacy, and it may be lifelong. However, the perception of love through dating and engagement varies in many societies. For instance, Hull, Meier & Ortyl (2014, P. 4) says that “in some way, young people’s attitude towards relationships are quite similar to the attitude of their parents.” Though this statement may mean the understanding of love remains the same through generations, the media and celebrities have a significant contribution to the change. A study that was conducted by David Buss and pears revealed that female and male students have a different ranking of attraction and love than previous decades (Hull, Meier & Ortyl, 2014, P. 4). Every generation will have its definition of love at dating and engagement, and a majority might lead to marriage

The marriage life introduces other distinct variables that entirely changes the view of love. For example, partners spend more time together and the children factor. According to the interviewee, marriage love requires both affection and being able to prioritize the needs of the other. The interviewee revealed that it is essential for married couples to go for dates, get intimate, and tolerate each other. Hull, Meier & Ortyl (2014, P. 2) states that many married couples view relationship and love as hard work, and they are aware there is no guarantee of permanent feelings even in stable marriages. Even in such doubts, people often move around ideologies such as true love lasts to give them hope in keeping to together their marriage (Hull, Meier & Ortyl, 2014, P. 3). The success of a marriage depends on mutual understanding of love and the ability to support each other. The intimacy and romance in marriage keep fluctuating depending on marital values form social groups, family, and that generation (Hull, Meier & Ortyl, 2014, P. 4). Because of the variations in love, people may end up separating, getting a divorce or remarrying. All these situations bring in different perceptions of love.

The interview revealed that divorce negatively affects an individual’s view of love. She added that it erases all the values and cast doubts on the victim. In marital love, the partners get the feeling of being loved, having a sense of security, having someone to side with them, frequents sex, and getting gifts (Crabtree et al. 2018, p.4). However, divorce takes all these benefits and trust living someone feeling hollow. However, there are cases where the marriage gets abusive or disappointing, and divorce may come as a relief. When all the reasonable expectations of marriage fade away, and the partner becomes a burden, love loses meaning, and the other person may opt to be independent. However, the respondent revealed that over time, people get to heal and may meet others with a promise of better love. When a person gets a new lover after divorce, they tend to be more cautious and only remarry if they are guarantee they are less likely to go through the same ordeal (Hemesath, 2016 p. 85). The interviewer admitted that marriage after divorce could be more satisfying since the second marriage is based on the elimination of the hurdles in the previous one.

In summary, the perception of love changes as one goes through dating, engagement, marriage, divorce, and remarrying. Everyone and every stage have their expectations that define love. Dating is a less serious, experimental affair. However, engagement and marriage have some hopes that, when not fulfilled, lead to divorce. In all cases, love creates a feeling of belonging, intimacy, and dependency. Nonetheless, it can fail if not natured properly. In some cases, people prefer to stay single, while others find a new love and remarry.

References

Crabtree, S. A., Harris, S. M., Bell, N. K., Allen, S., & Roberts, K. M. (2018). The Roles of Love and Happiness in Divorce Decision Making. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 59(8), 601-615. DOI: 10.1080/10502556.2018.1466254

Hemesath, C. (2016). Falling out of romantic love: A phenomenological study of the meaning of love in marriage. Retrieved from: https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=7728&context=etd

Hull, K. E., Meier, A., & Ortyl, T. (2014). The Changing Landscape of Love and Marriage. Contexts (Berkeley, Calif.), 9(2), 32–37. doi:10.1525/ctx.2010.9.2.32