The Fear of Being Alone

The Fear of Being Alone

People exhibit fear due to various reasons. Some people are afraid of being close to certain people who trigger specific emotions. Others have a fear of living in solitude and being alone at all times, being in particular palaces, and being home alone. Every fear that affects a person has a root cause, most of which can be shared amongst all fears. Every person is afraid of something or someone because of a reason that comes from an unpleasant experience. When that fear is accompanied by anxiety, it could prove fatal as you could get injured.

People often exhibit fear in most aspects of their lives should not be judged because the cause of the anxiety may be beyond their control. A survey on the mental health of people who have a fear of being alone shows that a childhood incident or trauma may have led to that fear. Fear of being alone, also known as monophobia, can be triggered by feelings of loneliness and having a hard time regulating oneself.

People who have a fear of being alone have anxiety attacks, which could lead to sudden panic attacks when they find they are alone in an area that is isolated. One of the most common causes of monophobia is a person who feels they were abandoned before by someone they trusted. A grown-up person may have been left by their primary caregiver when they were young, so they associate that abandonment with being unwanted. No matter what reason you have that makes you afraid of being alone, you must remember that you are not alone.

Why don’t you want to be alone?

When a person is afraid of being alone, they do all they can to ensure they do not find themselves in places or situations where they are alone. They will avoid instances that are trying to conform them to being alone or forcing them to be alone. The experiences these people may get from spending time alone can lead to severe anxiety, which can be dangerous if left untreated. The fear of being alone can lead to adverse effects for a victim and the people around them.

Because they are afraid of being alone, such people can find themselves in groups of people who commit crimes or run illegal businesses. They stay in the company of such people because they do not want to be alone even if they are not contributing to the commission of a crime. People who are afraid of being alone because they were abandoned have little trust in others. Being abandoned by a primary caregiver when one is a child can be lifetime trauma.

Such people will not allow themselves to get close to people because they are afraid that they will leave them, too, as their caregivers. When panic attacks accompany the fear of being alone, one should seek medical attention. During panic attacks, a person can fall or injure themselves, which they may not feel at the moment but could have lasting effects after a period. Fear of being alone in public, also known as agoraphobia, can have different causes than the fear of being alone in private.

People who are afraid of being alone in public have anxiety symptoms which point to being in a hazardous location. Such unsafe places have no routes to escape, according to these people who show this fear. For instance, a person may be a victim of a terrorist attack in a train station. Whenever this person is at a train station, they are likely to suffer panic attacks because they are anxious as to whether an attack is bound to happen or not. They will do all they can to ensure they are not around train stations alone.

The fear of being alone in public is made better for these people if they are around people they trust. From the example above, such a person who is afraid of being around a train station can visit the same place with trusted people without having any attack. People who are so scared of being alone in public must have a support system around them to ensure they stay grounded.

Whenever they feel an anxiety attack creeping in, they can lean on trusted people who can guide them through the attack. A support system is the most important thing for people who are afraid of being alone. Friends of such people can be taught techniques they can perform when an anxiety attack starts to set up. Holding their hands or helping them breathe easily can help people experiencing panic attacks feel better and regulate their heart rate.

Being in places where they feel they have little to no control triggers panic attacks in people who have a fear of being alone. Even if they are around familiar faces, unfamiliar places will make such people scared and try to do anything to getaway. These people not only fear being in public but can also have a fear of being alone while in their homes. When it gets to be afraid of being alone where one is supposed to feel safe, it could become dangerous. People who have monophobia can start seeing illusions or hallucinations when they are home solely.

When home alone, they can hear non-existent voices or see shadows of people not physically in the house. This becomes dangerous because a person can start fighting off the figures and shadows and end up destroying property around the house. In the process of breaking things around the house because of paranoia, one can get hurt, and things can go from bad to worse in an instant.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Adult children who have been brought up by narcissist parents mistrust other people. They believe they are meant to be alone as they have been made to think they are not enough. Narcissist parents often betray their children because they project their personas and images on their children. Children brought up in these home settings will always seek the approval of their narcissist parents. They will grow up feeling inadequate and have a fear of accomplishing anything alone. They will do everything to ensure they give their parents the gratification they desire.

Narcissist parents bring up their children, showing them that what they are doing is for their future. In essence, such parents only push the children to fulfill their selfish desires. Once the children realize that their parents have been lying through some issues, the trust is broken. Adult children will not trust people easily. If they have a fear of being alone and do not trust people, they can be guided on how to interact with people so that they do not experience any anxiety attacks.

If someone is afraid of being alone and does not trust people, it can become increasingly difficult for them to live a healthy life. Such people must learn to trust themselves. Trusting oneself means that they start believing that they are good enough even if their narcissist parents did not make them think that. When a person stays alone and often wants to do things on their own, people will be judgmental and ask all sorts of questions. Being alone may be a result of self-doubt, and people asking any questions may make the situation worse.

People must understand that some people choose to be alone because it is what makes them better. Being alone does not mean that a person is a loner or is anti-social. Such people could be close to only a few people because of a past traumatic experience. Choosing to stay by themselves and only associate with a handful of people is what makes them feel safe. People must stop judging others on the way they want to live their lives. A particular lifestyle that a person has chosen to live is because they feel safe that way. Sometimes, people have to be alone to feel better. Such lone time must not be mistaken as being selfish or uncaring to people, especially family members.

Fear of Being Alone in Public-Agoraphobia

Agoraphobic people could have legitimate reasons as to why they are afraid of being alone in public. They may be residing in crime-infested areas. Walking alone in such places could be scary for them, especially if they have been victims of an unfortunate incident in the past. Equally, they may have seen someone being mugged or attacked in the area. Such traumatic incidences could have a lasting effect on the minds of agoraphobic people.

Let’s say a person was one day walking along a street and was mugged in broad daylight. The attacker used a knife to scare them away into giving them all their possessions. Such a person will be afraid of going through the street alone for fear of history repeating itself. When you have this kind of doubt, you will avoid walking alone in quiet and dark areas in a city where you were mugged or had an unpleasant occurrence. If someone is afraid of being around a specific street because of a traumatic past, they should not be forced to be in uncomfortable places.

The Era of Struggle and Lost Connectivity

The type of society we live in determines how we interact with others and how we live our lives. Different communities have a culture that people can associate with on how to do things and how to speak to others. A society that is made up of people who are closely intertwined and have a similar culture will notice if a particular person is acting out of the ordinary. Where a person likes being alone and lives in such a society, there is social isolation. There is no connection between the community and the individual. People will conduct gatherings and other social set-ups and fail to include people who always want to be alone.

How Society Contributes to your Perception of Being Alone

A person who loves being alone is hard to understand because they do not share their thoughts or what they want to the people around them. Neighbors to such a person will most likely see them as being weird and anti-social. People will refrain from inviting them to social gatherings because they are afraid they will be turned down. Far from being turned down, such people can refuse to speak to them. If people do not invite you to their parties or gatherings, you do not have to feel lonely or less loved. You can achieve much by yourself without the constant approval of others.

People are often judged by others in a society, depending on the work they do too. Because of judgmental questions on the type of work they do, people can choose to be alone at all times and refuse to interact with other members of the society they live in. Imagine being judged for being a criminal justice lawyer. You can live in a community in which people believe that accused people should stay in jail and have no right to be defended.

You will feel scared to go home once you are done with work. Vile comments can be thrown your way when passing groups of people. Harmful comments will lead you to move houses and probably choose to stay alone and never disclose to people what you do. You will feel better and enjoy doing your work if you think that people do not know what you do for a living. People will have nothing to say, and you will have a peaceful life.

Everyone can relate to the feeling of being alone at times. Sometimes, one needs to be alone so that they can put things into perspective. Being around judgmental people makes people feel inadequate. Everyone needs a support system that appreciates what they do. If a person loves doing specific jobs and activities, society must refrain from judging them at all costs. Depression affects many people across the world regardless of the situation or social class one is acquainted with.

Being looked down upon because a person has chosen to do something different than what society has been used to can have negative impacts on anyone. The community is a significant contributor to why some people choose to be alone. No one wants to be around judgmental fellows who don’t see the good in anything done. When people question what you are doing for a prolonged period, you can start doubting yourself too. Self-doubt can get to a scary level that you do not want to go back to your workplace. You can also choose to lock yourself in the house to avoid constant judgment from people and have a strong desire to be alone at all times.

Being alone is more important than being around people who make you feel worthless. Psychologists emphasize the need for peace of mind because people who have a lot of things to think about can get stressed out (Brown, 2017). Stress is harmful to the wellbeing of a person because it could affect how things are done. Mental health is essential because it helps one have a clear mind on how to do something and connect to people. Constant judgments on how one lives their life will become engraved in your mind and cause undue stress.

The pressure you get from trying to live as somebody you are not will be damaging not only to you but also to those around you. You will be trying to appease people who do not know what you have to go through when you are alone. You have to remember that you alone will feel depressed when you try to be somebody you are not. It is not beneficial to please the people around you if you are not happy. Being alone will enable you to steer clear of people who are judgmental and want you to live a certain way.

The Relationship of Aloneness to Loneliness

You must understand there is a difference between aloneness and loneliness. Aloneness is where you feel alone in the universe and feel empty inside without a desire to do anything. You have feelings of being let down by everyone around you, and you cannot help yourself because of low self-esteem. Loneliness, on the other hand, is what you feel when you feel full by yourself but need to connect with someone else, say a spouse.

Aloneness can turn into loneliness when you start loving yourself and believing in what you do. Acceptance of your flaws and all good deeds makes it easier for you to feel alive and stop feeling empty inside. When it gets to loneliness, because you have learned how to love and appreciate yourself, you may start seeking validation from a partner or close friend. Seeking validation and acceptance when all people keep saying is no becomes loneliness as one feels more alone when someone rejects them.

Loneliness must not be confused with being socially isolated. When you are socially isolated, people around you do not want to include you in their activities. They often see you as a nuisance and someone who cannot fit in with what they are doing. A lonely feeling can get to you when you are alone or when you are in a group of people. When you start thinking, you are lonely; then it is most likely you are. When at a party and you do not speak to many people, you can start feeling lonely. In the same light, when in a party and most people avoid talking to you or associating with, you feel socially isolated.

Why Social Isolation May Be Good For You

When you continuously feel socially isolated, you will want to stay alone and avoid people for fear of being made to feel worthless. Jealous friends and acquaintances can make you feel bad about your life because you have something they do not have. If you are around people who look down on your achievements and are never happy for you, it can start taking a toll on your life. Your positive work performance can start being affected negatively. For your peace of mind, you should avoid such people. Putting yourself first in such situations will be frowned upon because people do not understand how their words have been hurting you.

Being alone is sometimes the safest bet for you if you feel that being around people brings out the worst in you and them. Constant bullying and putting you down can take a toll on your life on all dynamics, including professional space and also social circles. When you are alone, you allow your brain to recharge. With no distractions, you can clear your mind from all outside voices and opinions you may have heard about you.

A clear mind allows you to filter through what you may have heard about yourself from people. This separation of thoughts will enable you to see the friends who have been giving you corrective criticism. You can also see who has been continually putting you down and making statements that are meant to be condescending to you. The brain, as a significant organ of the body, needs a balance, and when it is always bombarded with stressful thoughts, it could affect the body negatively.

When the brain is tired and is continuously put to task on thoughts, you can start having physical challenges. These challenges can affect how you work and relate to people, thus affecting your overall performance. To ensure you are doing well in getting desired results, choose to ignore what the society says about you. Being around people all the time affects creativity.

When you don’t have the time to think of creative ways to make your business or personal life flourish, the productivity will go down, and eventually, your business might collapse. Some people thrive being alone because they are not distracted by social interactions. Having no desire for social interaction does not mean that they lonely (Kishimi & Koga, 2019). These people can perform well without having to rely on the opinions of people because they are satisfied with themselves.

Self-assurance and satisfaction is the key to making life more comfortable. Not depending on what people think or have to say is vital in being self-confident. You do not want to keep asking people’s opinions or thoughts on how you want things to get done. Some people are mean and will not share any positive words once you ask for their advice. You must disregard any negative words meant to derail you or kill your hardworking spirit. Relying on you to make crucial decisions is essential.

When you are satisfied with anything that you do, no criticism will affect how you do things. If you have come to terms that you are a quiet type of person, you will not let any negative opinions about your life affect you. People can come up with a lot of reasons why you are silent and like to stay alone (Kishimi & Koga, 2019). Some of these reasons can be negative and damaging. You have to remember that you are living life the best way you know-how. People who often put you down for choosing to be alone and doing what’s best for you should be kicked to the curb.

People are different regarding the level of social interaction they need. While some might not require any interaction at all, others thrive off it to make sure that all aspects of their lives move in a positive light. You do not want to be these people who thrive off social interaction. Such people can be negatively affected when there is not enough social interaction. Their work-life, as well as personal life, can be affected. Relying on social interaction to ensure everything goes well could be dangerous.

The Impact of Technology to an Increasing Demand of Alone Time

With technology being on the rise in all aspects of life, people are becoming less involved in direct conversations or having a face to face talks. They would instead use cell phones or other methods to communicate something to their peers or workmates. People make plans nowadays to meet over a cup of coffee to discuss pressing matters. One person may feel that they do not need to go, and the issue(s) to be addressed can be dispensed with over a phone call or sending a text message/email. The use of the internet can disconnect you from the real world because you will seek answers whenever instead of going out to the world to get actual results and reactions.

Sending texts will never equal meeting friends face to face to discuss real issues. Texts are short and precise, meaning that details can be omitted. Face to face conversations can be lengthy, meaning that every aspect will be discussed in detail. The satisfaction in seeing the faces of the people you are talking to is also essential. When sending texts, one cannot tell what the other person is doing or if they are having different facial expressions unrelated to what is being discussed. Face to face conversations make it possible to see how one is reacting to discussions brought to the table.

Human interpersonal relationships lose their worth, and they become superficial. People who are victims choose to be alone rather than spending time with people who are not good at face to face conversations. When a relationship becomes superficial, one person may feel that they are not getting anything that adds value to their lives. It makes sense to let go of someone who does not do you any good. Being alone due to such circumstances is not a bad thing. One is doing their growth and development some justice because friends who are not beneficial derail the progress of your life.

When a person is sharing their problems with you over a text message, you may not get the whole picture. A close friend can be going through a divorce or another traumatic experience. Sending text messages or emails to offer your sympathies is not enough. Such people deserve someone who will visit them and console them face to face. Ignoring such a person during a trying moment will make them distant towards you. They may choose to stay alone because they feel you do not care about them enough. Circumstances make people want to be alone because they think that they were not treated right.

You need to learn to tackle problems head-on. When you need to speak to a close friend or relative who lives in a nearby town, make plans. Such plans should involve meeting up and talking about everything. Going through essential conversations over the internet will never be enough. A friend going through a difficult phase will need a lengthy discussion and a hug at the end of sharing their problems. A hug can never be given over a call or text message.

Being friends with people who always reach out to you over the phone can be tiring. When you go through a hard phase, and your closest friends, ask you to call, or text, deep inside, you will feel that they do not care enough. You will want to stay alone and not involve anyone in the problems you are going through. If this is the case, then it is not a bad thing to want to be alone. If being around people makes you feel alone all the time, it would be better off to stay alone. Having such friends who will not make an effort to see you when you are going through difficulties is not worth it.

How one views society determines how they live their lives and interact with others. Being in a community that is full of judgmental people will make one feel that all people are judgmental and care less about the feelings of others. Worrying about pleasing people should be at the back of your mind. You have to remember to put yourself first in all circumstances because you will have yourself to blame.  Any outside opinion about how you are and how you live your life should not matter.

Where do you truly belong?

Being an introvert or an extrovert is not a matter of being in either category. Introverts prefer to stay alone and keep to themselves. If you thrive from being alone and staying reserved in sharing opinions, you can be termed as an introvert. As an introvert, you will not be scared of doing things alone because you rely on yourself to make crucial decisions. Introverts do not like to be the centers of attention because everyone will look at them when they are speaking.

Introverts versus Extroverts

Most people disregard introverts because they believe that quiet nature shows they do not have important words to share (Cain, 2013). Introverts are undervalued, which could be costly for a company or any person who chooses not to involve them in decisions. They are careful thinkers because they have to think of a solution to a problem carefully before giving any response. Introversion ensures that people have time to listen more as opposed to speaking all the time. When in a seminar, as an introvert, you note down all relevant information being dispended.

Extroverts, on the other hand, thrive off on being the center of attention. If you like talking around many people and do not shy away from sharing stories around groups, you can consider yourself an extrovert. You will not need to recharge to get energized because you are always positive about every aspect of your life. As an extrovert, you will quickly get recognition and promotions in workplaces.

People often view introverts as annoying because they do not seem to have as much fun as extroverts do. This is where they go wrong. Introverts can have as much fun as extroverts when they are around their closest friends or relatives. You will not be seen as needy if you are an introvert because you prefer keeping to yourself most of the time. Getting approval from other people is not essential to you because you are confident in any decisions that you arrive at.

Because introverts often keep to themselves, they have creative ideas on how to improve a product/service. Own ideas by independent thinking people ensure that other similar companies have not corrupted them. Creativity is essential for the positive growth of any organization. Introverts bring in this aspect of a company. Extroverts will suggest ideas that may have been adopted by other companies before making them not viable or applicable. Introverts will give unique suggestions because of using their creative minds and thinking deeply about what to say.

Social interaction does not matter to introverts. They would rather stay indoors than go to social places and be around many different faces. If you are introverted, being around many people could lead to an anxiety attack. You would rather avoid being near crowded places, especially where you are required to speak, or attention is drawn to you. It is okay to be an introvert. You do not have to feel weird because you dread being around many people who draw attention to you (Kishimi & Koga, 2019).

Being confident in who you are will take you places and ensure you thrive in this chaotic world. Standing alone against any adversities does not mean you are lonely. Sometimes, the most significant fights are won when we stand alone. Some social interactions cause distractions. People are often jealous of the achievements you may have made. In such situations, you will find that a jealous friend will be doing everything in their power to bring you down. When you find out that someone you trust is slowly bringing you down, you will choose to stay away from people. Being alone will be your best bet because that way, you will not have to be around fake people.

People may think that you are lonely if you are an introvert. On the contrary, you are satisfied keeping to yourself because you don’t need to rely on others for anything. While extroverts rely on their popularity amongst peers to feel good, introverts are rather contented with life. Approval from others does not mean anything to them; neither does it matter. Extroverts will be excited while in the spotlight, but introverts shy away from the attention that is brought upon them. Being in the spotlight can make an introvert panic because you are not used to being surrounded by people.

Sometimes, as an introvert, you will feel judged by people because of how you choose to live your life alone. Being alone has proven over the years to be the best way of dealing with life’s challenges. When you are alone and keep to yourself, no drama revolves around your life (Kishimi & Koga, 2019). Being in solitude on most occasions ensures that your friends or other people are not near you to cause any commotion or havoc. People are known to disagree on many different issues.

As an introvert, you will keep your thoughts on controversial topics such as religion and politics to yourself to avoid arguing with others. Extroverts will discuss such controversial issues in a bid to keep conversations going and draw everyone’s attention to them. It is not a bad thing to be an extrovert too. Being outgoing and outspoken can be beneficial to you regarding working and personal relationships. At work, you can get promotions quickly because your bubbly personality enables you to get deals that others cannot get if they are reserved.

One major disadvantage you can have as an extrovert is that you only know how to thrive in teams. When there is a need to work alone, you cannot make any substantive arguments because you are tuned to depend on other people’s opinions to build on what you know. As much as extroverts are outgoing, there are moments when you will be required to tone down and stay grounded. Extroverts will often give shallow answers to arising questions. They blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind without thinking deeply about what is required. Introverts, on the other hand, will give definite answers because they take time to think and listen keenly to the presented questions.

References

Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to

Stand Alone

Brown, B. (2010).The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You Are Supposed To

Be and Embrace Who You Are

Cain, S. (2013). Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Eggerue, C. (2018). What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower’s Guide to Why You Are

Already Enough

Kishimi, I. & Koga, F. (2019). The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your

Life, and Achieve Real Happiness

Nussbaum, E. (2002). How Introverts versus Extroverts Approach Small-Group Argumentative

Discussions. The Elementary School Journal, 102(3), 183-197. Retrieved March 17, 2020,

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