Unlocking Doors That Stay Locked

Unlocking Doors That Stay Locked

Slam, the echo of metal on metal, the door shuts behind me, and there I was all alone. The door slamming was an emotional lightning bolt shooting through my soul as I found myself in solitary confinement. I had nothing but a thin mattress that provided no comfort, a blanket that held no heat, and a torn-up book. Unfortunately, the book wasn’t anything I would typically read. Emotionally, I was in a dark place. I was overwhelmed because I had to sit there for the next six months. I kept asking myself the question, “What am I going to do?” Being in a cell that provided no stimulus would take some time getting used to. There was very little light, and all the walls were gray. It reeked of urine and mildew. The urinal was in the cell, and the prison was over 50 years old. Gunk was built up in the corners of the window and along the walls. The paint was peeling off the bunk and the cell door. Previous inmates had scratched their names into the paint and the mirror above the sink. Now confined to this smelly and dull cell, I had two choices, I could either fall into a deep depression, or I could make the most of my time by learning and growing. My favorite was to grow and learn because I wanted to live a more meaningful life. It wasn’t always the most comfortable choice; I’ll tell you that. Between you and me, there were times I thought I would go bat shit crazy.

But as you can see, I made it through those moments and became something amazing. Reading and writing became an intricate part of growing as a person. It became a habit, and I enjoyed it and gave it a significant portion of the time. Reading allowed me to escape that dull, non-stimulating, and lonely environment, and writing allowed me to be creative, which gave purpose to my life. I would always feel curious to read different works of art, which added value to me. Between these two activities and a few others, I found a routine that let me stay fully occupied throughout the day..

Reading, while in solitary, was an interesting experience. It’s not like I could go to the library and pick out any book I wanted. I had a limited choice, and of those, there wasn’t a single book I would have picked for myself. Being forced to read books that I usually wouldn’t read allowed me to expand my love for books. With time, I realized that vast knowledge is hidden in the books, and acquiring it is through exploring as many materials as possible. I even read one of Hillary Clinton’s books. If I recall, the title was “It Takes A Village.” Also, I read a few science fiction books, which generally wasn’t a genre I cared for. But I quickly found that science fiction allowed me to escape my surroundings visually. They would take me to other planets and galaxies. In my mind, I could see the vivid colors of space, from deep purples to the yellowest of yellows. I saw bright flashes from stars twinkling at a distance or stars so close they blinded me. Then, I would zoom across the universe at light-speed.

As I stated before, writing allowed me to be creative. Being creative in this manner offered me the feeling of being productive, which gave me a sense of purpose. As humans, I believe we all need a sense of purpose to feel whole. This wholeness was extremely hard to find while being alone, although I could see it by using my creativity to write poems. As an artist, I would draw cards for family and friends. In these cards, I would write poems that reflected whatever I had drawn. This was an exciting process.

On the one hand, I had an intricate drawing, and on the other, a creative poem. It made for an exciting process because I would always finish the picture first, then go back and write the poem. It’s a good thing I had lots of erasers because continuously I would work and rework the poem until it fit. It was a fantastic feeling once it did. It’s like the feeling someone gets when solving a (6×6) Rubiks cube. This simple act of matching poems to drawings gave purpose to my life.

Having the ability to escape solitary confinement, both mentally and creatively, allowed me to come out a better human being. Through the experience, I grew, which was miraculous because most people go the other direction. Reading and writing were intricate parts of this growth. I made it part of me in my entire life. Not only did I grow as a human, but I also grew in my ability to read and write. It gave me the ability to look at a drawing and quickly write a poem that incorporated those details. The price was of literacy in my life experiences was evident in the scenario. My reading and writing abilities gave me the chance to broaden my horizons in my choice of books.

As you can see, being in solitary will always stick with me. I never held it in a negative light because I truly believe that if it weren’t for this experience, I wouldn’t have gone back to college. The mind craves learning and creativity. If we don’t feed those cravings, we wither away as human beings. Having known that made me take the lifetime opportunity by growing my abilities and putting them into action for a successful life after that. It is thus wise to take advantage of time and opportunities in life to achieve our intended goals.

The map to success lies in one’s hand. It is, therefore, individuals’ responsibility to undertake the initiative to any opportunity that comes his or her way. Otherwise, realizing personal goals and life objectives is a nightmare. A bright future is for the aggressive few.