The Relationship between Length of Romantic Relationship and Forgiveness Levels

The Relationship between Length of Romantic Relationship and Forgiveness Levels

During incidents of betrayal, which are acts of mistrust and disloyalty, a potential threat forms in a relationship between two people (Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, & Hannon, 2002). In order to lessen this threat, the victim of an act of betrayal must have the motivation to express positive feelings toward the transgressor, despite the transgressor’s acts, which is also known as forgiveness (Kachadourian, Fincham, & Davila, 2004). In the context of romantic relationships, individuals develop the ability to accommodate for negative behaviors and make more sacrifices for their partners in order to reduce betrayal-related threats (Finkel et al., 2002). Therefore, as a relationship between two people continues to grow over time, these abilities relating to forgiveness also grow stronger (Wenzel & Okimoto, 2012). The current literature supports the argument of an association between the length of one’s current relationship and how much individuals are able to express forgiveness (Finkel, 2002; Kachadourian, 2004; Wenzel, 2012). Therefore, the purpose of the current study is to examine the nature of the relationship between length of romantic relationship and levels of forgiveness.

Kachadourian, Fincham, and Davila (2004) examined, in two studies, those in dating relationships and married couples in order to further understand forgiveness in romantic relationships and its relation to attachment and relationship satisfaction. In both studies, undergraduate students who were currently dating relationships and married couples were asked to complete questionnaires assessing forgiveness (Transgression-Related Interpersonal Motivations Inventory), attachment (Relationship Questionnaire), and relationship satisfaction (Relationship Quality Components Inventory and Marital Adjustment Test). Researchers found significant results for forgiveness in those individuals who were more positively attached to their partners, which then resulted in higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

With these results, the researchers were able to conclude a strong relationship existed between the attachment and forgiveness variables. While these studies present a strong argument for the connection between the two variables, they only apply to forgiveness within the relationship and not outside of the relationship. In order to measure levels of forgiveness overall, this study will use Heartland Forgiveness Scale (HFS) instead of the TRIM. Another limitation of the study was the length of the relationships were not accounted for (Kachadourian et al., 2004).

The three studies conducted by Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, and Hannon (2002) were able to take a step beyond identifying the relationship between relationships and forgiveness levels and examined why committed individuals are able to forgive each other in times of betrayal. In Study 1, undergraduate students who were currently dating were assigned complete a questionnaire that either primed high commitment or low commitment. The participants were then asked to read and react to various hypothetical acts of betrayal. In Study 2, undergraduate students who were currently dating were asked to write about a time their partner betrayed them (the severity of which was rated by undergraduate research assistants) and then respond to questions about their reactions to the betrayal both at the time of the incident and at the time the study was being conducted. For Study 3, undergraduate students who were currently dating and interacted with their partner on a daily basis were asked to keep a record of the times their partner betrayed them in some way for a two week period. Questionnaires assessing relationship persistence, long-term orientation, and attachment were completed at the beginning and end of the experiment. In all three studies, the researchers found that those who were more committed in their relationships expressed more positive responses toward acts of betrayal. From these results, the researchers were able to support that forgiveness in committed relationships is affected by the need to persist in a relationship, long-term orientation, and the strength of attachment between partners. Again, these studies created a strong argument for the effect of romantic relationships on forgiveness levels, but non-romantic relationships were not included, the forgiveness studied was only within the relationship, and relationship length was not accounted for.

Comparatively, Wenzel and Okimoto (2012) did not focus solely on romantic relationships and tested whether the motives for forgiveness differed between those in close relationships and those in distant relationships. In both studies, participants were asked to think about either a student who was a close friend or a student the participant did not know very well, who would make an insulting comment toward or victimize the participant in a hypothetical scenario. After reflecting on the scenario, the participants were asked to complete an activity that either did or did not require forgiveness toward the thought-of student. Following both studies, the participants were given various items to rate, involving shared values and status/power. The researchers, in both Study 1 and Study 2, found main effects in both forgiveness and closeness for the dependent variables, shared values and status/power. These results lead to the conclusion that forgiveness for the reason to restore a shared identity was found more in close relationships while forgiveness for the reason to restore status and power was found more in distant relationships. These studies were, again, strong in arguing a link between relationship length and forgiveness. However, these studies have a limitation opposite of the two previously described studies, which is there is only a focus on non-romantic relationships. Additionally, the participants expressed forgiveness only within the relationships they thought of. Therefore, Wenzel and Okimoto

The studies described, regarding relationships and forgiveness, have concluded a significant connection between the two variables in different ways. In studying romantic relationships, one study examined the attachment between romantic couples (Kachadourian et al., 2004) and another found significance in three factors within a relationship that affected forgiveness (Finkel et al., 2002). In examining non-romantic relationships, one study examined differing reasons for forgiveness between close bonds and distant bonds (Wenzel & Okimoto, 2012). By interpreting the strong arguments supported for higher forgiveness levels within different kinds and levels of close relationships, predictions can be made for forgiveness levels outside of the relationship between two people. It is hypothesized those who are currently in a long-term relationship will express higher levels of overall forgiveness compared to those who are currently in a short-term relationship and those who are single. This study will add to the current literature by examining different relationship lengths and how the length of a relationship relates to a general measure of forgiveness.

References

Finkel, E. J., Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., & Hannon, P. A. (2002). Dealing with betrayal

in close relationships: Does commitment promote forgiveness? Journal of Personality

and Social Psychology, 82(6), 956-974.

Kachadourian, L. K., Fincham, F., & Davila, J. (2004). The tendency to forgive in dating and

married couples: The role of attachment and relationship satisfaction. Personal

Relationships, 11(3), 373-393.

Wenzel, M., & Okimoto, T. G. (2012). The varying meaning of forgiveness: Relationship

closeness moderates how forgiveness affects feelings of justice. European Journal of

Social Psychology, 42(4), 420-431.