My struggles as writer

My struggles as writer

      It has been a while since I wrote in English and still nothing has changed: “I am bad at writing”. Over and over on my mind: “English as a second language and that’s why I will never improve”. It’s like a huge door and I am down there alone trying to open it. I have several weaknesses and the most overwhelming is thinking less of myself like I can’t do it, it’s hard. “Working hard is important, but there is something that matters even more: believing in yourself” said Harry Potter (Rowling). When I read this quote, it changed the way I’m thinking. I realized that I should believe in myself. Therefore, from that point whenever I feel discouraged, I go back to that quote.  It became my source of inspiration. I have decided that I will improve my English and writing, such as rhetorical knowledge, critical reading and conventions (Cross and Hubbell 5). My second language will never ever be an excuse for being bad.

Furthermore, I failed once to meet my teachers’ expectation, when I was attending IELC – Intensive English Language Program- at UAH, I did not put much effort and the result was heartbreaking. To be honest there was a part of me that was grateful that I’d failed. I learned from my mistakes and weaknesses. There were types of audience that wanted to understand my message (Cross and Hubbell 5). I wanted to prove my points and backup my claims and write with clarity. I didn’t know what was rhetorical knowledge and how important to use it in an essay (Cross and Hubbell 5). I lost a lot of points because of constructing a meaningless sentences. When I write, I don’t think how or what the audience thinks, it’s just like I am writing to myself or typing whatever occurred to me. I had to analyze what were the audience thinking and respond to them with answers to understand what I am writing or thinking about. I am still working on it. I need more practice to obtain this skill.

Moreover, critical reading and thinking is one of the most important elements that I should use effectively (Cross and Hubbell 5). I did three to four assignments that require that skill. When I was in IELC I had assignments to read different kinds of poems, articles and some stories that I had to analyze the writer’s style, word choosing and what was the main idea, etc. The hardest was the poem because I needed to know why did the author chose this word instead of this? What was the author’s message? I had a hard time to just analyze a short poem, it took me days. Articles weren’t that hard. In fact they were easier than poems but the difference to me was all about vocabulary. So, in articles there was a lot of advance academic vocabulary. The whole idea of this assignments is to improve my analysis skill, the way I think is to be more critical, understand the writer style and think the way he thinks. I had difficult time to obtain these skills but I need to hone this skill to be able to use it effectively and that requires more effort, time and hard work.

I have been practicing my conventions skills for several years and still I am below the university student average. To be more specific, I mean grammar, punctuation and syntax (Cross and Hubbell 5). An average university or high school student is good at conventions. As a university student, I should know these skills at least to know how to use punctuation correctly. I suffer mostly in grammar because in my mother language Arabic it’s the opposite of English. For instance, in English we put the subject first then the verb in Arabic its completely the opposite. Furthermore, spelling isn’t an issue to a lot of second language learners, so it’s not in my biggest concerns list. I think it’s matter of time to memorize and get used to it so I can adjust my hand to every word.

In IELC I learned how to use MLA style and how to put the references. Also, I did learn how to use Microsoft Word effectively. It was hard at the beginning, but I think it got a lot easier after that. I don’t have any problems now with just adjusting or following simple steps (Cross and Hubbell 5).

I do have many problems such as rhetorical knowledge, critical reading and thinking, processes and most of all conventions (Cross and Hubbell 5). I do admit it, that’s the first step to know my weakness and what I lack as a writer in the university. I will devote my time and work harder than everyone else to meet my professors’ expectation. Especially to erase that excuse from my head “English as a second language and that’s why I will never improve”. The biggest enemy is myself. Therefore, I should put more faith in myself. “Working hard is important, but there is something that matters even more: believing in yourself” said Harry Potter (Rowling)