THE GIFT OF FEAR

THE GIFT OF FEAR

In our society almost everybody in one way or another has or will experience stress and violence in their places of work, at home, in school and in their relationships. Most of the chaos and violence do not just erupt abruptly but it takes a gradual process and conflict for the serious violence to occur (Welch, 2015). Various warning signs would be seen before the real violence occurs for example people exchanging bitter words, some people resorting to be quite not to talk to the other parties and some people avoid the other parties by changing routes or even quitting their houses or places of work. According to Gavin de Becker strategies should be developed to avoid violence and resulting trauma. He says that prior to violence various warning signs will be seen which he term as pre-incidence indicators of violence. These will help individual to solve the underlying issues and avoid violence or face violence in a point that you understand the underlying issues well.

Some of the pre-incidence indicators include giving a promise to do or not to do something to the other party which has not been requested for knowing very well that you will break that promise like when dating one promise not to hurt the other party but in real sense he or she is intending to hurt him or her. Another one is loan sharking which involve providing unsolicited help to a specific victim chosen and making them feel forced to show some level of openness as a payback. Another one is typecasting which involves insulting an individual chosen with the intension of making them to talk in order to avoid the insults, niceness and charming by being soft, polite and friendly to an individual to manipulate them and lastly providing much details which in real sense amounts to lying by providing excess details to make the other party view that the information being given is credible (Tancer, 2008).

The following is an interview between a student, Patrick and a criminal investigating officer Evans Onkoro aka, Double 2 who has been in a serious marriage and was reported to have divorced. The student fears divorce and its consequences in our society like making the couples involved to be depressed thus reducing productivity in work which has economic impact in our society, from it some resort to committing suicide and also some live a life feeling that they are not valuable and tend to be chaotic to all people that confront them. The interview was aiming to obtain information how the musician used the gift of fear unknowingly and most time knowingly to get favors and to defeat the wife with the prior knowledge that the wife was before marriage a gangster who has been involved in many scandals in the country though she has been transformed.

Patrick: Good evening Double 2

Double 2: Good evening to you Mr. Patrick

Patrick: Welcome to this place  for the interview this evening as the audience  and I are looking forward to hear much from you now that much have been said about you in the media which some claim to be true and others say that it is not true.

Double 2: Thanks for the opportunity to talk to you and to the society at large.

Patrick: Tell us who Double 2 is, in terms of full names, age, profession and what you think pooooop;[people may not know about you.

Double 2:  Thank you, my full names are Evans Onkoro, 45 years professionally am a criminal investigating officer in Abuja criminal investigation center. I studied in Entoro academy, Abuja high school and joined Abuja criminal investigating college where I did a degree in criminology in 1998 and have been working for 15 years. What people may know is that I have 2 daughters, Emily and Shaniz.

Patrick: for the last two weeks Evans the media and most news paper headlines have indicated your marriage life as chaotic and violent leading to divorce, is this true please confirm to the public.

Double 2: Yes this is true

Patrick:  You are aware that most people especially the youngsters in our country admires your work in criminology and many have resorted to do criminology because of you and this came to them as a surprise. What really happened that led to all these?

Double 2: This is a long story as people usually say but I will try breaking it into bits. First I want to admit that my profession played a big role in the breaking of my marriage. I have been married for 10 years now to one Carol Onkoro and had two girls. I can admit that I used my professional to cover my arrogance to my family and imposing cruelty and beating them. Another issue that the public has never known is that my wife was previously a gangster before we got marriage though she transformed. I used to threaten her that I would reveal to the government all she had done and she could face death penalty. This made her to be quite and would do all that I demand her to do with fear of making herself known publicly and that of being jailed.

Patrick: Thanks for being open and willing to provide that information. Did your marriage face any pre incidence indicators that it is likely to break?

Double 2:  Yeah there were some indications that my wife would inform me about though at that point I felt like she cannot leave me. She talked about me pretending that her secrets are mine though am just pretending, at times I would be friendly and polite to her and use that to manipulate her and I would lie to them that I care about them providing many explanation to make myself to be understood and insulting her about her past gangster involvement with an aim of making her talk in defending herself and giving unsolicited financial promises which I will not own. To her these were indication of our marriage breaking (Tancer, 2008).

Patrick: Which messengers intuition that you observed from your family?

Double 2: My wife would consistently nag, she became curious about all my actions and doubted me, my kids were anxious, and all of them feared me.

Patrick: Now that you have admitted that you hate divorce please advice the public on what they can do in case there are some people like you who are facing same situation, maybe they are divorced or they are planning to divorce. What should they do?

Double 2: To wives they should not feel sorry for themselves every time even there is nothing wrong that they have done because men who use fear to manipulate them knows whatever they are doing .this will help them stabilize their self esteem. Cease from silly argument with them because they use this to pave way for violence and to husbands avoid using your powers either as the head of the house or professionally to instill fear in your wives. Let us save our marriages.

Patrick: Thank you Mr. Evans and welcome again.

As a student I have experienced the gift of fear in me when our lecturer wanted to relate with me sexually with a promise of being given good grades. This began when the lecturer sought to have a relationship with me which I refused. By the end of the term I worked hard on that unit that he was lecturing us to avoid failing to prove him wrong. Things did not go well when we received our results because I received result with that unit missing. When I tried to follow up with the head of department I was referred back to the lecturer that he is the one having my results. I was told that my result is available and am going to be given only if I do sex with him. This caused anxiety, fear, persistent thoughts and pain to me. I resorted to record the conversion that we had with the lecture as I pleaded for my result which I presented to the dean of students to help me get my results to go to second year.

This experience led me to do a research on how people are forced to do fear evil in our society when their teachers, lectures, managers, supervisors and husbands instill fear in them and found out that a larger percentage of people in our society are affected either directly or indirectly (Bracha, 2006).

REFERENCE

1. Bracha, H. (2006). “Human brain evolution and the “Neuroevolutionary Time-depth Principle:” Implications for the Reclassification of fear-circuitry-related traits in DSM-V and for studying resilience to warzone-related posttraumatic stress disorder”. Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry. 30 (5): 827–853. doi:1016/j.pnpbp.2006.01.008. PMID 16563589.
2. Gallup Poll: What Frightens America’s Youth, gallup.com (29 March 2005).
3. Tancer, B. (September 2, 2008). Click: What millions of people are doing online and why it matters. Hyperion. ISBN 1401323049.
4. Welch, Ashley (October 15, 2015). “Things Americans fear most”. CBS News.