Meth: A Hidden Epidemic

Meth: A Hidden Epidemic

            As my family and I walked into the room led by the interventionist, I could feel my hands starting to shake. My brother Nate locked eyes with me immediately, and I could sense the fear and anger behind them. I couldn’t even keep eye contact with him, and I had to look away. It was a whirlwind of tears and emotions as we all took turns sharing our letters with him. I was the last one to read, and everyone in the room was crying by the end of my letter, including Nate.

That night he signed a contract saying that he would agree to go to treatment, and we all left hugging and laughing like nothing was wrong. It felt like an enormous weight lifted off of everyone’s shoulders. Nate would go into treatment, get the help that he so desperately needed, and come out on the other side as the same old brother and son we all have loved and missed. I had no idea I was about to embark on an incredibly long journey as the family member of an addict. Now, almost 4 years later, I’m still waiting to be reunited with the loving brother that I used to know.

How did we wind up here? I’ve asked myself that question several times over the last 4 years. You hear stories on the news of addicts overdosing in their homes after a binge gone too far. Will this be the end my brother comes to? I can’t help feeling a little bit of panic every time my phone rings in the middle of the day for fear of what I might hear on the other end.

Even with all the loss and heartache it brings, methamphetamine is becoming more and more prevalent in Minnesota. Where did this drug come from? According to the U.S Drug Enforcement agency, Minnesota’s increased meth use parallels a 200 percent hike in drug seizures at the Mexican border from 2009 to 2013 (Prather). This heightened amount of drugs being distributed makes it much easier for anybody to find. Meth doesn’t care about who you are, your age, race, or class. Because it’s so easy to get, younger and younger people are being exposed to it and becoming addicted. Brian Marquart with the Public Safety Department’s Office of Justice says, “I have seen meth users as young as 14 and 15 and as old as 60” (Prather). Those of us with family members who are addicts know that meth is a powerful drug that consumes every part of the addict’s life and leaves little to no room for anyone else.

When I moved to Minnesota to live with Nate about 5 years ago, he had just bought his first house and had become the foreman of our uncle’s construction company. It was great finally getting to spend so much time with him after living apart for 15 years. After hearing friends tell stories of great times with their brothers and sisters, it was nice to finally be able to have stories of my own to share.

A friend of Nate’s told my other brother Cody they thought Nate might be using. I thought they had to be crazy. How would I not have known, especially since we had lived together? My disbelief turned to shock when Cody found the drugs in Nate’s room while we were both at work one day. I didn’t know what to do with that information, so I decided the most important thing I could do was to tell my parents. We decided the best approach was for my dad to confront Nate alone, so he came up that weekend. After they talked I never spent a night in that house with him again. Nate did not take it so well that I had told our parents. I ended up moving my things out of the house while Nate was gone and getting an apartment in Minneapolis. Nate and I didn’t speak with each other for months, which was really difficult for me after just having gotten close.

I felt like he was punishing me for trying to help him, and it turns out I wasn’t the only person close to an addict who has felt this way. Substance abuse treatment coordinator, Barb Caskey mentions, “Addicts and alcoholics are great at holding people emotionally hostage, and family members are clearly the victims” (Harris). Our family had to learn early on that addiction affects not just the addict, but everyone around them. It starts slowly. First he began missing work, then he stopped responding to our phone calls, and eventually stopped showing up to family dinners all together. After a while, there is a sense of loss that settles in. The first Christmas spent without him felt empty, but after 3 years of him not showing up, I’ve stopped asking whether he is coming to holidays.

After I had moved out it was only a matter of time before Nate’s addiction was in full force. Three months later we had the first intervention and now almost 4 years later he has gone to treatment 3 times, lost his house, his job, his friends, his clean record, and is now living somewhere in Wisconsin. And his story is not uncommon among meth addicts. As one addiction expert put it, “Everything takes a back seat to meth: your marriage, your faith, your family, your children, car payments, house payments, and electricity bills” (Harris). Addicts lose a sense of who they are on meth. As much as you want to be there every day to guide them and make sure they’re okay, you can’t. Often addicts have to lose everything they have in order to realize they’ve hit rock bottom.

The best way my family can be there to support Nate is by providing him with opportunities to make better decisions for himself. Whether he chooses to take advantage of them is up to him. Registered clinical counselor, Candace Plattor says, “Often, a major reason that loved ones of addicts use enabling behaviors is that they feel guilty about the addiction in the first place.” This was especially difficult for my family to accept. I still struggle with feelings of guilt. At times, I wonder if I had never moved out, if things would have gotten this bad. If I had stayed, would he have lost his house or still be using? As his sister, I feel like I have a responsibility to look out for him, but I have to remind myself that while addiction is a disease, he put himself in this situation, he has to get himself out, and I can’t fix it for him.

There are a few phases of emotions that you go through when a family member is an addict. For me it went in this order: confusion, fear, sadness, disappointment, anger, lack of understanding, acceptance, and hope. Along the journey I’ve learned a few tips on how to steer the ship on the rocky sea my brother’s life has become over the last four years. The biggest tip I have is acceptance. You can only do so much for anyone who doesn’t want to help himself. If an addict doesn’t want to become better, there isn’t much anyone else can do for him.

I have had to accept the fact that my brother is a drug addict who constantly lies and is involved in illegal activities. He has become the type of person I don’t necessarily want to be around right now, even though I love and miss him so much. I have yet to accept that he may not be the same brother I remember when this is all said and done. He also may not choose recovery over his addiction in the same time frame that I want him to. My family and I have all gone through these emotions in different phases, but we have all been there to lean on each other. Although Nate hasn’t been around, his addiction has brought the rest of our family a lot closer. Talking with each other and going to Al-anon meetings, a support group for families, has helped us stay close and help each other through the difficult times.